The Way Things Were
by beckyofdownton
Summary: After Sirius runs away from home, he finds himself spending the last weeks of his summer break with James and Remus at the Potters'. Sirius begins to question everything when he starts to believe Remus may be romantically interested in him. [Reposted after having been totally re-edited. Rated T for now. Sirius x Remus.]
1. Chapter One

_Author's Note: Some of you may remember that this story was posted a couple years back. I had fallen out of love with the story because of poor proof-reading and lack of understanding of my character, but I have grown as a writer since then. I am going to be using the same general plot line for this story, but filling in a lot of the blanks and making it much more readable and enjoyable. I hope you all enjoy it for first time readers and I hope you'll enjoy it again, for second time readers._

_I will be posting re-written chapters once every four or five days._

_Trigger warning for physical abuse._

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><p>"You are a Black, Sirius. You bear the name of some of the greatest wizards in history and this is how you repay us?"<p>

Sirius glanced from the imposing form of his mother down to the letter on the table. He knew exactly what was written in that letter and had been steeling himself for the consequences it held all summer.

"You will reply to your mother when she speaks to you."

A harsh slap rang across the sixteen year-old boy's face with a sting so forceful it was nearly blinding. Sirius barely flinched. He had learned long ago that it was the reaction his father was looking for, not the punishment itself. Sirius took his time in responding, dragging a sleeve across his mouth where he had bit his lip to buy some time. He tasted iron in his mouth and felt the split in his lip with his tongue while he shifted back into his seat.

"I don't really know what you want me to say, Mother. I am a disappointment; I have been all along. I don't understand why you're still even trying with me." Sirius replied flatly, refusing to look the woman he called his mother in the face.

"You will not use that tone with her." Orion said, leaning forward and gripping the arms of Sirius' chair.

"You can go ahead and hit me again, Father, if it makes you feel better. You know, it really does hurt more when you get me across the cheek instead of in the mouth. Go ahead." Sirius said dryly, staring up into the pitch black eyes of his father.

Sirius saw, with a small note of satisfaction, the nerve starting to twitch in his father's forehead.

"Come on, then. Right here." Sirius said, tilting his head to the side to display his already swollen red cheek.

"Orion!" Walburga cried, slapping a hand against her chest as Sirius was sent reeling from his chair by a swift slash across the jaw by his father's wand.

"Somebody has to teach him, Walburga." Orion said, sweeping his long black hair over his shoulder and pocketing the thin, brown wand he held in his hand.. "If he can't be taught through conventional methods I'm afraid that the only thing that will help him is pain."

Sirius laughed slightly, getting to his feet. His ears were ringing and he could taste blood filling his mouth, but he could not back down. Not now. He had to make his father so angry he wouldn't notice him leaving. For what would certainly be the last time.

"Look, just get it over with. Disown me. Regulus is your perfect son. Your Black family heir." Sirius chuckled, shaking the hair from his eyes. He could hear blood dripping from his mouth onto the floor, but he stared forwards, leaning against the edge of the dining room table.

Orion did not share in Sirius' laughter. His face was dark as he looked from his wife to his son.

"You are no son of mine, Sirius." Orion said quickly before turning on his heel and leaving, his long slate grey robes following him out the door.

Walburga said nothing, staring from the door where her husband had just been to her bleeding son.

"I think it would be best if you left, Sirius." Walburga said, her long-fingered hands clenched tightly in her lap.

"You don't have to tell me twice." Sirius snarled rushing down the hallway and out of sight.

Luckily, Sirius had seen this exchange coming and had already packed his most prized possessions. His broomstick, his school books and robes were all he cared to take from this house. Everything else carried too much of a tie to his family. They could rot here like the rest of them.

Sirius worked quickly, drops of blood trailing behind him as he tied his school books to his broom and swung the window open. He had no other choice but to fly to James' home just outside of London like they had planned. He climbed precariously up onto a desk and from there onto the window sill. He tossed his broomstick onto the flat of the roof outside and threw himself over, landing carefully on his feet just below the window.

"Where are you going?"

Sirius looked up to see the long, thin face of his brother looking down on him. The spitting image of Orion in both appearance and mentality, Regulus Black had very little to do with his brother and had certainly never tried to stop the physical abuse Sirius had endured over the past ten years.

"Where do you think I'm going?" Sirius asked, anger churning in his stomach as he picked up his broomstick.

"To the Potters'?" Regulus asked, leaning his head out the window.

"Why? So you can go tell your precious Mummy?" Sirius asked, the side of his face throbbing.

"No, so I know you're safe." Regulus said.

Sirius let out a derisive laugh.

"Yeah, sure." Sirius said sarcastically, looking up at Regulus, blood still caked onto his jaw and teeth. "The lofty Regulus deigns to look after the poor, less fortunate older brother. Save it."

"Look, Sirius..."

"I said, save it." Sirius growled, swinging one leg over the broomstick and kicking off into the chilled night air.

Sirius had always been more angered by his brother than by anything his father and mother had ever done to him. Orion was a horrible man without a conscience and Walburga wasn't much better. Together they had managed to almost completely ruin his life at Hogwarts, his life with his friends and his relationship with his brother. Somewhere inside, though, Sirius knew that tonight had been the last of it. He never had to speak to any of them again.

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><p>Sirius landed about an hour later on the doorstep of Mr. and Mrs. Potter. As soon as his feet hit the ground, the front hall light came on and the door opened.<p>

"Siriuuuu – Oh, shit." James' voice faltered, catching sight of Sirius' blood-soaked face.

Sirius, who had almost completely forgotten, set to frantically rubbing at the gash on the side of his face to remove the blood.

"It's only superficial. Don't worry." Sirius said quickly, smiling to make James feel more comfortable.

"Didn't go so well, then?" James asked carefully rubbing the back of his neck as he ushered Sirius inside.

"Well, you finally got here, eh?"

Sirius looked up to see tall, thin Remus Lupin coming down the stairs wearing a cheeky grin and a fluffy white jumper over a pair of asbolutely hideous plaid pyjamas bottoms. Despite his mood, Sirius could feel a huge smile spreading across his face.

"You're a bit late getting here, mate." Remus said, grinning from ear to ear as he clapped his hands on his friend's shoulders.

Sirius knew Remus noticed the bruise and cut across his face, and mentally gave thanks to his friend's unyielding and omnipresent sense of tact.

"Yeah, well. Running away from home can make a bloke a bit late." Sirius laughed, trying to lighten the mood as he pulled Remus towards him into a hug.

It had been weeks since he had seen, let alone touch, any other person besides his family and the surge of love and relief was almost overpowering. Sirius felt his knees buckle suddenly and dropped his broomstick.

"Let's not act so brave then, shall we?" Remus said kindly, catching Sirius under the arms and pulling him back up.

Sirius nodded and smiled weakly. He was hurt a lot worse than he wanted to admit.

"James, is that Sirius?" Mrs. Potter called from somewhere in the living room.

"Yeah, Mum, but he..." James trailed off, trying to think up an excuse so that his mother wouldn't have see Sirius this way quite yet. "He shat himself on the way over! Don't come in!"

"James!" Sirius and Remus both yelled at once, flabbergasted by their friend's complete and utter lack of improvisational skills.

"James Potter, you watch your mouth!" She called back.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Potter, please don't get up on my account!" Sirius called to Mrs. Potter before climbing the stairs. "Just a quick trip upstairs first!"

"See, James? So polite. You could learn a thing or two." Mrs. Potter chastised her son. "And call me Dorea, Sirius!"

James rolled his eyes and scooped Sirius' broomstick off the ground.

"You better get upstairs before I make those bruises a lot worse." James said, punching his friend in the back.

Sirius laughed, and he knew he was joking, but the way James said it reminded him an awful lot of his father. James had never been able to understand why jokes like that bothered Sirius; James had been loved and adored by his family since the day he was born. Sirius did not have that luxury and never would. It was both a blessing and a curse to stay at the Potters' because he was at once loved and at home there, but he was also surrounded by a family who truly loved each other and it hurt. Sirius' family was an upstanding, pureblood family of distinction. Manners, propriety and duty were of the utmost importance and taking a step out of line meant severe, painful consequences.

"I'm gonna get you some clothes. Just stay here." James said, opening the door to the bathroom for Sirius before running off up yet another flight of stairs to his large attic room.

When Sirius caught sight of himself in the mirror, he recoiled. His face had swollen up severely on one side and dark blue bruising was already starting to form around his mouth and jaw. Blood was still clinging to his neck, lips and teeth. He looked like he had just crawled out of his own grave.

"Sit down on the counter." Remus said, walking over to the linen cabinet and pulling out a small pile of fluffy white washcloths.

"I don't need to be fussed over." Sirius said, turning his back on the mirror and obediently jumping up onto the counter.

Remus ignored him and began running warm water from the tap.

"This would be a lot easier if we were allowed to use magic. These regulations are positively archaic." Remus said, more to himself than to Sirius as he wet a washcloth. "I really have been meaning to write a letter to the Ministry what with everything that's going on these days..."

Sirius winced as the hot cloth came in contact with the wound on his jaw.

"That bloody stings." Sirius said, pulling away instinctively.

"Well, just hold still." Remus said, grabbing Sirius' shoulder hard and holding him in place.

Sirius recoiled immediately at the touch and very nearly jumped off the counter. He hadn't been the recipient of a non-violent touch in nearly two months.

"I'm sorry, Sirius, I should have asked." Remus said, stepping away quickly and crossing his arms. "I should have been more – "

"Naw, Moony, it's okay. I'm just a bit jumpy is all." Sirius said, adjusting his seat on the counter.

He motioned for Remus to come closer.

"Come on, Remus, you're such a good nurse." Sirius joked, trying to reassure his friend that it wasn't his fault. "Play doctor with me."

The smile – and a blush, to Sirius' immense satisfaction – returned to Remus' face as he pressed the cloth to Sirius' jaw.

"Not so bad, right?" Remus asked, smiling softly.

Sirius knew this hurt Remus almost as badly as it hurt him. Remus was the only one out of his four friends who truly understood the kind of stress and trauma he had gone through on a regular basis. Remus was the most sensitive to his needs and never tried to force Sirius to talk about what happened after times with his father, but he was also the most empathetic of all of them. Sometimes, Sirius truly thought that Remus felt his pain as if it were his own.

"Not so bad." Sirius replied, smiling up at Remus.

Remus pressed the cloth back against Sirius' face and they were quiet for a moment as Remus washed the blood away. Remus opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by James suddenly and loudly careening down the stairs towards them.

"Alright, friend, I brought you the best pyjamas I could find." James said, offering Sirius a pair of folded, flannel pyjamas as he appeared in the doorway. "Ah, looks like Nurse Remus has got this all under control."

"I have. But he's all done." Remus said, letting out a breath and stepping away to rinse the blood off the washcloth.

"Aw, Remus, Mum's going to kill you!" James gasped, pointing to the blood-stained cloth.

"Oh, I didn't even think of that. I'll tell your mother that I would be more than happy to – " Remus began, but was cut off by James slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Don't bother, Remus, we'll just throw it out." James laughed, "She'll never know."

"This is your bed, and this is mine!" James said lazily, motioning to the brand new double bed that had been slid into the corner of James' room. "Mum even bought you these ridiculous Quidditch sheets. I told her not to but she insisted. She thinks we're all still twelve. Seriously."

Sirius sank slowly down onto his new bed and ran the cotton sheets between his fingers. Chewing the inside of his lip, Sirius for the first time so far this night fought down a lump in his throat.

"No, I love them." Sirius said quietly, tracing his hands over the dancing snitches. He was absolutely touched.

"Good." James laughed, turning to Remus. "Guess you'll have to kip on the floor, mate!"

"Fine by me." Remus said, reaching over and grabbing the sleeping bag by the door.

"Naw, Remus, you can sleep on my bed, if you want." Sirius said, feeling slightly guilty that Remus would be relegated to the floor.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I quite like the floor." Remus said, unfurling the sleeping bag and spreading it on the ground in front of them. "We're quite well acquainted, the floor and I."

Remus was almost comically too tall for his sleeping bag and Sirius suppressed a laugh as Remus tried to squirm inside it.

"Right. Enough about beds and this sleeping nonsense. I've got something I've been absolutely dying to show you." James grinned, reaching behind the bed.

"Is it your arse, James? Because I really would rather not." Sirius exclaimed, throwing a pillow at James' rear end as he leaned over to dig for whatever it was he was looking for between the wall and the side of his bed.

"It certainly is not." James said, his voice muffled by the mattress.

Remus stood up and sat at the end of Sirius' bed, watching James.

"Ta-da!" James exclaimed, sitting upright and brandishing a bottle full of a bright orange liquid.

"Is that..." Sirius leaned forward, trying to get a good look at the label.

"Fire whiskey, James? Really?" Remus asked, astonished.

"You bet your ass, Moony." James said, unscrewing the cap and taking a deep sniff.

"Are you trying to tell me you want us to... drink it? Secretly?" Sirius asked, looking around the room conspiratorially. "Because I am in!"

Sirius couldn't deny that after the summer break he had just had, a stiff drink seemed quite appealing.

"That's what I'm talking about! Come on, Remus." James begged, clasping his hands together and moving towards Remus.

"No." Remus said, crossing his arms. "You two have all the fun you want. I brought a book."

"Oh, a book, Padfoot!" James grinned, looking at Sirius for back up.

"A book, Prongs!" Sirius replied.

"Don't make fun of me." Remus said grumpily.

"It's not like you've never drank with us before." James said, crossing his arms.

"I drank with you once and I was sick for two days!" Remus exclaimed.

"No, I think you were sick because you ate an entire thing of creamed cheese." James said.

"On a dare!" Remus argued.

"It was still _your_ fault, not the fault of the liquor." Sirius said, nodding.

Remus sighed deeply. "I'm just not going to win this. Am I?"

"Nope!" Sirius laughed, getting onto the floor and pulling Remus down with him.

* * *

><p>"Look, James, she is just not into you that way! You've been a total jerk to her since first year!" Remus sighed.<p>

"But... But... I only did that because she's so cute!" James said, lying on his back.

"How poetic." Remus supplied, lying on his stomach next to Sirius.

"Yeah, only because you've never tried to get with a girl ever." James retorted.

"I've got other things to do, okay?" Remus laughed.

"Sure, mate, sure." James said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, just because I don't go around leaping on every girl I see doesn't mean I'm not interested... I just have... standards." Remus tried to explain, his words slurring together.

"Standards, James, unlike yourself." Sirius said, laughing to himself. "I'm funny. I'm just so, so funny. Aren't I, Remus?"

Remus looked up at his friend. "You are the most funny."

"Do not become a comedian, Sirius." James hiccoughed. "It's not in your... stars."

Remus and Sirius let out a simultaneous, thunderous groan.

"The worst, James. The worst." Sirius said, trying to get to his feet before tripping and collapsing onto the floor.

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, pawing at Sirius' head on the floor. "Don't die, Sirius..."

"I'm not dead." Sirius groaned, already feeling where a huge bump would be in the morning.

"You are clumsy, clumsy." James said, reaching over blindly and joining in with the pawing of the back of Sirius' head.

"Will you stop?" Sirius said, leaning his head against the pawing, closing his eyes and letting out an exaggerated moan.

"You enjoy that far too much, mate." James said, snapping his hand back in disgust.

"Sirius, you're pathetic." Remus sighed, pulling his hand away.

"Hey, not you, Moony. I didn't tell you to stop." Sirius said, grabbing Remus by the wrist and dragging him back. "Come on, right behind the ears. You know the place."

Remus gave a loud sigh, feigning complete and total exasperation, as he ran his fingers down through Sirius' hair to the back of his neck and scratched his way up along his head. Sirius let out a noise halfway between a moan and a purr.

"Is this something you two do often?" James asked, eyeing them both as if they were two beings from another dimension. "You two are honestly the weirdest people I know."

"Ohhhhhhhh yeah." Sirius growled as Remus rubbed behind his ears and along his temples.

"Okay, stop it!" James exclaimed, his lip curling. "You're doing this to me on purpose."

"Maybe." Sirius and Remus said together, pausing mid-motion and turning to James in unison.

James grabbed his pillow and walloped Remus across the chest.

"Hey!" a voice hollered from the bottom of the stairs.

"Get to bed!" James said quickly, stumbling to his feet, grabbing the bottle and flinging himself into bed.

Sirius and Remus both dove for Sirius' bed at the same time. Wrestling one another for supremacy, Sirius finally managed to squirm his way under the covers. Remus grabbed a pillow and smashed him repeatedly over the head with it until Sirius let him in, too.

"You have your own bed!" Sirius hissed as Remus squirmed his way in.

"I don't." Remus lied, laughing quietly to himself.

The door cracked open to the attic and Sirius quickly began snoring.

Remus was still laughing quietly and so Sirius slid a hand up over his friend's mouth.

"You boys know it's 3:00 in the morning?" Mr. Potter's deep, friendly voice chuckled as he peered into the room.

"Yes, sir." Sirius replied, suddenly scared that Mr. Potter might get angry with them.

"You boys having a good time?" Mr. Potter asked, raising his voice over James' absolutely horrific fake snoring.

"Um, yes, sir." Sirius replied again, determined not to move his hand even as the severely drunk Remus began licking him.

"Alright, you keep having fun, but just remember Dorea needs help with the garden in the morning and you won't be very happy doing that if you're tired. You have a good night, Sirius." Mr. Potter said.

"You, too, sir."

"Don't call me sir, Sirius. It's Charlus." Charlus said, smiling before shutting the door and walking back down the stairs.

"Gross!" Sirius yelled out as he finally unclapped his hand from Remus' mouth.

Remus laughed wildly to himself before falling quiet.

"You're a drunk mess." Sirius said.

"No, you are." Remus said, looking up at Sirius from under the sheets. He reached a hand up and touched his bruised cheek. "A mess."

Sirius tensed up slightly under Remus' touch.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Remus, you sure you want to sleep up here? I snore."

"Maybe I should." Remus said, fluffing up his pillow and pulling the covers up around his chin.

"Like a fog horn." Sirius said, yawning.

"Nope." Remus said, shutting his eyes.

Sirius sighed and turned on his side. "Just don't put your bony, cold feet on me."

"Mmhmm, whatever you say." Remus yawned.

Sirius lay awake for a few more minutes, listening to the sound of James' breathing and Remus'. He was having trouble thinking straight and the more he thought, the harder it was to stay awake. He realized that he had almost completely forgotten about the gash on his face before Remus had... before Remus had touched it. Sirius turned on his side against the wall, grabbing the pillow and pulling it against his chest. Remus is a touchy-feely drunk, Sirius thought sleepily as he sunk into sleep.


	2. Chapter Two

_Author's Note: A big thank you to those who supported my decision to re-start this story with much better writing and a slightly altered plot line. Thank you so much for your reviews! See you again in another few days... I have thirteen chapters written and they'll come to you about twice a week._

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><p>"Rise and shine, boys!"<p>

Sirius opened his eyes groggily to the sound of someone knocking loudly from the other side of the door. He almost turned onto his side and went right back to sleep before he realized where he was. He lay quietly with his eyes closed for a moment or two as James hollered angrily at his mother to ask for ten more minutes. Sirius reached out to stretch but as he did, he hit someone lying next to him. He looked over and saw a sandy-coloured mop of hair resting on the pillow next to him. He had totally forgotten that Remus had fallen asleep there.

"Hey. Remus." Sirius said, giving the boy a tentative shove.

Sirius received only a grumble in reply.

"Remus!" Sirius said, shoving him harder.

Remus grumbled louder.

"_Remus_!" Sirius said again, grabbing a pillow and whacking his friend over the head.

"Get off of me, you mangy animal!" Remus growled, grabbing the pillow out of the air and throwing it across the room where it fell unceremoniously onto James' chest.

"Hey!" James yelled from his own bed. "Just because you two are having a pillow fight at your little slumber party doesn't mean that I need to join in."

"Sorry." Remus and Sirius said in unison.

Sirius looked over at the clock hanging on the wall over James' bed. It was half past eight and, despite the early hour and the looming hangover, he felt like getting up out of bed. He had spent the last months secluding himself from his family, staying in his room all day and night and taking whatever small meals he had to eat by himself. He was finally free and it was time to get up and actually make something of his last few weeks before school started.

"Bloody hell." Remus groaned, looking up at the clock. "Are you out of your mind, Sirius? I usually sleep in until at least 11:00."

"Yes, but the Potters want help with the garden; Mr. Potter told me last night." Sirius said, sitting up in bed.

Remus remained silent for a moment before finally acceding defeat. Sirius knew that Remus couldn't sit idly by while his hostess needed help.

"I call not waking up James, though." Remus sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Just give me a couple more minutes, okay?"

"Fine and fine." Sirius replied, leaning against the wall and putting his legs over Remus.

"Sorry for sleeping here last night." Remus said after a huge yawn.

Sirius shrugged. "I didn't mind the company. My bed is pretty cold at Grimmauld."

"Yeah, well I don't think your feet have exactly realized that they're back from the Arctic." Remus grumbled, struggling to keep his eyes open. "You can take them off me."

"I could." Sirius shrugged.

Remus mumbled something groggily and turned his back on Sirius. He started snoring softly and Sirius smiled. For the fearsome beast he became every month, Remus really was just harmless. Sirius clambered gently over his sleeping friend and started to get dressed. He noted that his belongings had already been sorted away into the wardrobe at the foot of his bed and, to his great surprise, organized by colour and by type of garment.

"Incredible." Sirius muttered to himself as he grabbed a neatly folded white Sex Pistols shirt and a pair of torn blue jeans. He ran a brush quickly through his hair and jumped about a mile in the air when the wardrobe suddenly and loudly ordered him to shave, get a haircut and trim his sideburns in a very deep, brusque voice.

Both Remus and James gave an extremely loud groan and threw pillows almost in perfect unison in his direction.

"Sorry!" Sirius said, quickly slamming the doors to the wardrobe shut and sitting down on the edge of the bed next to Remus.

"Well, between you and the wardrobe I don't think I'll be getting any more sleep." Remus muttered from under the covers.

"I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that the wardrobe had taken a page out of my parents' book?" Sirius asked, watching in terror as James sat up slowly in bed, a look of pure hatred on his face.

"Welcome to a normal wizarding home." Remus mumbled, his head still almost totally covered by the duvet. "When I was growing up my bathroom mirror would yell at me if I didn't brush my teeth for exactly two minutes."

"Oh, yeah?" Sirius said. "I can one up you – every morning this summer before I left the portraits outside my bedroom had teamed up to harass me all the way through the house. You try saying 'Black Sheep of the Black Family' ten times fast."

At this, Remus peeled the duvet down and away from his face and eyed Sirius sleepily. "You're a mess, Padfoot."

Sirius balked slightly at the echo of Remus' words from the night before."I know. This side of my face feels awful."

"Yeah, I don't know. Maybe you should go to a healer or something..." Remus sighed, sitting up slowly to look at Sirius' face.

"Naw. I'll be fine." Sirius said.

"Don't be so tough, this looks bad." Remus said, reaching out to take Sirius' chin in his hand. He tilted Sirius' face this way and that, trying to assess the damage. "Oh, I totally forgot you fell face-first last night, too. You've got a lovely looking bump on your forehead."

"Oh. Great." Sirius said sarcastically, rolling his syes.

"Yeah, Sirius. I don't think you should do any work today." Remus said, touching the area under Sirius' eye lightly.

"I'll be fine. I have to make it up to Mrs. Potter for letting me stay here." Sirius replied, closing his eyes as Remus moved his hand up around his eye to his forehead.

"No, you don't. Sirius, I know you don't really like bringing it up, but you have been seriously hurt by your own father. There's no sense in aggravating your condition by going and doing yard work." Remus said softly, his eyes sad.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm used to it, okay? I want to help the Potters out, so I will. Besides, I'm hurt on my face. My hands still work perfectly."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "I keep telling you that you don't have to be so – "

"Tough?" Sirius finished Remus' sentence.

"Yes." Remus said with a small smile.

"I do, actually. It's a coping mechanism, alright?" Sirius admitted. "I just don't want to think about it."

"You can talk to me about it, if you want." Remus said, touching Sirius' arm.

Sirius could feel irritation roiling in his stomach, but he fought it down.

"It's fine, Remus. Seriously. I'm not going to go mourn my lost childhood because it wasn't lost. I was at Hogwarts ten months out of the year and for the two months I was home, things like this didn't happen too often. I've been dealing with this for years and it's over now. I just want to celebrate the fact that it's over. Is that okay?" Sirius asked.

He knew that Remus was just trying to be helpful, but the last thing he wanted to do was to think about the summer he had just had. It was the hardest of his entire life but he had had hope to get him through. He had started planning with James for him to come stay with him for several weeks before they had put their plan in motion. James had forged a letter in Dumbledore's handwriting making up a story about something serious he, Remus, Sirius and Peter had done, mailed it to Orion and Walburga Black and had waited for the fireworks to happen. It was both a very clever plan and a very stupid plan, but it had worked, and that's what mattered.

"It's okay." Remus said, smiling kindly. He moved slightly closer to Sirius and pulled him into a hug. Sirius melted instantly, wrapping his arms around his friend and leaning his head on his shoulder. Sirius burried his face into the crook of Remus' neck and rested there, taking in the smell of fresh wool and the clean smell of shampoo Remus radiated.

"You two _quite_ finished over there?" James called from his bed. "Seriously, it's disgusting."

Sirius held on a moment longer before pulling away. He had to admit that Remus gave the best hugs of anyone he had ever met.

"Don't make me come over there." Sirius said, pointing a finger menacingly at James.

"Oh, I'm so scared." James said sarcastically, waving his hands in mock-fear.

In a flash, Sirius had become a glossy, black-haired dog and was bounding across the room towards James.

"No!" James yelled, covering his face as Sirius leaped around on James' bed.

Remus laughed and egged Sirius on.

"Do you have a _dog_ up there, James Potter?"

Sirius became human just in time for Mrs. Potter to open the door to their room.

"No, mother. Honestly, I think you need to get your hearing checked." James grinned.

Sirius sat innocently, smiling as if nothing at all had happened.

Mrs. Potter raised her eyebrows. "No funny business."

"No, Ma'am!" Sirius smiled.

"It's breakfast time, boys, but then I expect you outside, okay?" She said sternly.

"Yes!" James leapt out of bed.

"And Sirius, dear, don't call me Ma'am." Mrs. Potter said, her eyes sparklingly kindly.

"Okay." Sirius replied with a small smile.

As the door shut behind her, the boys all busied themselves by getting dressed before heading down to the kitchen. The smell of fried bacon, eggs and toast hit them even before they had reached the dining room. Large pitchers of pumpkin juice sat on the table as well as a pot of tea. When Mr. And Mrs. Potter sat down, everyone tucked in with Sirius and James shovelling food into their mouths as if their lives depended on it.

The conversation at breakfast was cheery and Sirius found himself forgetting all about his family and his horrible summer break. Mrs. Potter had shown him more kindness and love in the past hour than his mother had all summer and it was a welcome change. He even noticed that Remus had perked up. It was always nice to see the normally quiet and contemplative Remus laughing and smiling along with the rest of them.

"Alright, boys, you head off outside until the work is done and then you're free to do whatever you would like for the rest of the day." Mrs. Potter said, dabbing at the corners of her mouth with her serviette.

"No problem. I thought we could whip Remus' arse at a game of Quidditch after we de-gnome the garden." James said, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

Remus simply raised his eyebrow as he stood up with his plate.

"James, watch your tongue. And leave it on the table, Remus. The house elves will take care of it." Mr. Potter said, tapping Remus' arm.

Remus nodded and then looked at James and Sirius.

"Well, let's get outside and do the job, shall we?" Remus asked.

James and Sirius followed and within minutes the boys were outside hunting around the Potters' massive garden. The Potter family came from quite a bit of money and it showed. The gardens were lovely, lush and green, and the many large, verdant trees cast welcomed shade during the sweltering August heat. In the middle of the garden was a large, beautiful stone fountain with featuring a beautiful sculpture of a mermaid splashing in its waters. Sirius felt quite at home here.

"Got one!" James cried, gripping a small brown creature by the arms and swinging it wildly over his head and over the high grey fence.

"Keeping count?" Sirius asked, hunting around in the garden for one of his own.

"Could be." James replied.

"Ah, found one!" Sirius said, leaping towards a gnome who was running straight towards the fountain.

Before Sirius could get there, however, Remus had jumped forwards and caught it.

"Hey! That was my catch!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Tough." Remus said with a smile before lobbing the poor thing over the fence.

The morning progressed quickly, though Sirius was lagging far behind James and Remus in gnome count. Remus had managed to jump in Sirius' path every time he had spotted a gnome save a couple times. Sirius' competitive side was starting to get the better of him, and Remus was getting on his nerves.

"Why don't you go steal some of James' gnomes?" Sirius snarled as Remus caught another gnome right out from under him.

"It's more fun this way." Remus said simply.

Sirius clenched his jaw and trotted off in the opposite direction of the two other boys. He headed straight for a rose bush in the far south end of the garden and began digging around the foliage to see if he could find enough gnomes to set him in the lead.

"Sirius!" Remus yelled, coming up from behind.

"Go away!" Sirius yelled over his shoulder as he grabbed three gnomes at once and dragged them up into the air.

"Sirius!" Remus yelled again.

"I said, sod off!" Sirius said, throwing the gnomes over the fence and turning to look at Remus.

"Will you stop it?" Remus asked, crossing his arms.

"Stop _what_? You're the one ruining my fun!" Sirius said angrily.

"I'm not trying to ruin your fun." Remus sighed, glancing down nervously to his feet. "It's just that I don't think you should be working."

"I. am. Fine." Sirius said, his fists clenched.

"Yeah, but..." Remus sighed.

"But what, Remus? I'm fine! Stop treating me like a baby!" Sirius exclaimed.

By this time, James had stopped what he was doing and had looked over to see what was going on.

"Sirius, your face looks so, so bad. It's swollen up even worse than it was this morning." Remus said finally.

Sirius could feel frustration welling up inside him. "You really don't have to watch over me all the time."

"If not me, then who will?" Remus asked, crossing his arms. "You clearly aren't."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue but fell quiet. He didn't trust himself to say anything and so he simply clenched his jaw and looked away, flexing his fingers.

"Fine." Sirius muttered, acceding defeat.

"James, you stay out here, I'm going to take Sirius inside and clean him up." Remus said, grabbing Sirius by the elbow and leading him back towards the house.

"He's right, Remus, he's not a baby!" James called after them. "Besides, I've got 42 gnomes so I've beaten you both by a landslide!"

Sirius and Remus ignored him as they stepped back into the refreshing coolness of the Potters' house.

"I just need some kind of disinfectant. Maybe a bandage?" Remus said more to himself than to Sirius. "You go sit in the bathroom. I'll be along soon."

Sirius wandered off obediently in the direction of the bathroom. He wasn't sure whether he was touched that Remus had been looking out for him or whether he was upset by it. Sirius wasn't used to being treated with much care at all. For the better part of the year he was in the company of his peers who weren't about to pander to his every whim and need, and for the summer he was at home where he was used to taking care of himself.

"Right." Remus said, startling Sirius from his thoughts as he came in the bathroom door. He dumped several potion bottles on the counter along with a pile of white cloths. "This was all I could find. Just hop up here on the counter like you did yesterday."

Sirius obliged, edging up onto the counter. Remus looked up into Sirius' face, taking in the extent of what needed to be done.

"Doesn't this gross you out?" Sirius asked, chuckling slightly to break the intensity of Remus' look.

"Not really." Remus said, picking up a blue bottle and unscrewing the lid. "Anything for you, Sirius."

Sirius smiled and was suddenly conscious of the tightness in his cheek where the gash was. He leaned over to look at the mirror and yelled out in shock. His face looked absolutely horrific and quite possibly infected.

"I look terrible!" Sirius exclaimed, raising his hand to touch his face. Remus caught it half-way and pushed it down.

"You don't." Remus said, holding Sirius' by the wrist with one hand while he used the other to place a ointment-soaked cloth on his face. "This is going to sti–"

Sirius yelled out as the wet cloth came into contact with the cut. Excruciating pain spread instantly outwards from the cloth across his face.

"I'm sorry! Just try to sit still." Remus said, holding the cloth firmly to Sirius' face as he tried to squirm away.

Remus slid his hand down from Sirius' wrist to his hand.

"It's alright, just sit still, okay?" Remus said softly, looking into Sirius' eyes and nodding encouragingly.

Sirius was acutely aware of both the searing pain in his face and the gentle warmth of Remus' hand on his. Despite the stinging, Sirius found the strength to calm down.

"It's just regular Muggle rubbing alcohol." Remus said. "Stings worse than any potion I've ever used."

"You're telling me." Sirius said, his face screwed up in pain.

Remus gave Sirius' hand a squeeze before removing the cloth.

"You've got an infection." Remus said, tossing the cloth into the bin nearby and picking up another. "This is going to hurt again, okay?"

Sirius nodded and watched as, without letting go of his hand, Remus poured more alcohol onto his new cloth and pressed it again to the side of his face. Sirius' face twisted up in pain again and Remus rubbed his thumb over the top of Sirius' hand. Sirius tore his hand away from Remus' as he clenched his jaw in pain. Taking a few deep breaths, Sirius slid back and took Remus' hand again. Sirius caught a small smile flicker across Remus' face and he swallowed hard. As Remus pulled the cloth away, he became oddly aware of his breathing and the sound of his heart beating. Sirius did not deal with pain very well.

"All done with the hard part." Remus said after about a minute. He let go of Sirius' hand and moved over to the stack of bandages he had brought with him. He pulled the back off a large one and stuck it on Sirius' face. "There."

Sirius leaned back over and looked in the mirror. "Thanks, Remus."

"Not a problem. We're going to have to do this again later tonight, though. Sorry, Padfoot." Remus said, tapping his hand on Sirius' knee.

"That's alright." Sirius said as Remus rested his hand on his knee.

"You're a good nurse, Moony." Sirius grinned, prodding Remus' leg with his foot.

"Thanks, Sirius. You lot have given me a lot of practice – getting beaten up all the time." Remus laughed, looking up at Sirius. "Not to mention the fact that I patch myself up a lot of the time."

They laughed for a second and fell quiet. Remus looked back up at Sirius and held his gaze for a second. Sirius felt odd – as if the air between them was growing thicker. He found it hard to breathe and again, he could feel his heart beating steadily against his ribcage. And, as soon as the feeling had come, it left. Remus broke the gaze, removed his hand from his knee and went back to putting away his supplies.

"I think I'm getting a fever." Sirius said quickly. "I'm feeling a bit off."

"Hmm. That wouldn't be surprising." Remus said his voice slightly forced, looking intently at what he had in his hands. "Why don't you just see how you feel? It might just have been the shock of the pain from the disinfectant."

"Maybe." Sirius said, running a hand shakily through his hair.

"Why don't you just go sit down upstairs? I can come check on you in a bit, if you want." Remus suggested, not looking up.

"Alright." Sirius said, getting to his feet and leaving Remus in the bathroom, his head swimming.

* * *

><p>Sirius lay on his bed several hours later, staring up at the attic ceiling. His face was throbbing ever so slightly under the bandage and all he could think of was the horrible way he had spoken to Remus in the garden. The last thing Remus deserved was to be spoken to like that after having been so kind and caring to him. Sirius could feel guilt seething up inside him and he shut his eyes. He would have to apologise later – nobody deserved that, especially not Remus.<p>

As if on cue, Sirius heard a knock on the door and he looked up in time to see Remus come in with his arms full.

"Hey, Padfoot." Remus said, sinking down on the end of Sirius' bed and settling his various bottles and bandages next to him.

"Hey." Sirius said sleepily, rubbing at his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked, picking up one of the bottles and attempting to unscrew the lid.

"Alright." Sirius said, yawning. "Actually, I feel pretty decent all things considering."

"You do?" Remus asked, a dusty-coloured eyebrow raised.

"Yeah. It's so quiet up here." Sirius said, not wanting to sit up.

"I know. It's kind of unnerving." Remus said with a small chuckle. "Can you open this?"

Sirius nodded, sitting up. He grabbed the bottle from Remus and set to unscrewing it. It was a small, glass bottle intricately carved. It had a lovely seashell-shaped stopper. Finally managing to unscrew it, Sirius leaned over and smelled it.

"What is this?" Sirius asked, flinching at the overwhelming smell flooded out from within.

Remus reached over and took the bottle. He smiled.

"It's perfume." Remus laughed. "Chanel No. 5. It's a rather famous muggle scent. I must have grabbed it by accident."

Sirius smiled. "The more you know."

"Yeah, good thing I didn't make you drink it." Remus laughed, stoppering the bottle and placing it on the bedside table.

"Good thing. I'd smell like roses for days." Sirius smiled.

"What a welcomed change." Remus laughed.

"Exceptionally rude!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing a pillow at his friend.

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed, a huge grin plastered across his face as he dodged the fluffy projectile.

Within minutes, the two were engaged in a fierce wrestling match. Pillows were flying, sheets were everywhere and by the time all was said and done, Sirius was on his back with Remus holding his arms over his head.

"Enough!" Remus laughed, "You're hurt!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly. "Then you get off."

Remus obediently slid off, landing on the other side of him. Sirius smiled. It had been quite a while since they had played around like that. It felt like the good old days. He suddenly felt a welcomed sort of warmth spreading through him, like everything was going to be okay.

"I'm happy you're here." Remus said quietly, as if he had read Sirius' mind.

"Me too, Moony." Sirius said, turning to look at Remus. "Listen... About how I behaved earlier..."

"Don't mention it, Padfoot." Remus shrugged. "I don't mean to push these things. I guess I'm so used to just so used to you saying exactly what's on your mind that I forget that you don't always want to."

"I guess." Sirius shrugged. "I just think it was pretty rude of me to treat you like that when you were just trying to look out for me."

"You're not a baby, Sirius." Remus sighed. "You're a grown man and you have your own agency."

"Yeah, but..." Sirius trailed off. He had never been good with words. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Remus said softly, reaching over and grabbing Sirius' hand.

A silence fell between them for a few moments as their eyes locked. They sat together in silence for a heartbeat or two before Sirius cleared his throat.

"I think we'd better head downstairs. I'm sure James is wondering where we are." Sirius said, inching off the bed and getting to his feet.

"Alright." Remus said, a little too loudly.

"I'll meet you downstairs." Sirius said.

Remus sprang quickly to his feet and left the room, his arms stiff at his sides as he walked away.

"What the hell was that?" Sirius whispered to himself, listening to Remus' footsteps trail off down the hallway.

* * *

><p>The day flew by as quickly as it had started. It had been dreadfully hot all day and they had played Quidditch for the better part of the afternoon. Sirius, Remus and James were absolutely exhausted by the time they trudged home at twilight. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had been kind enough to send a plate of sandwiches and an ice-cold pitcher of butter beer to their room so they could eat altogether.<p>

James had already taken the liberty of spiking the butter beer with a generous helping of vodka he had stolen from his parents' liquor cabinet. The combination of the heat, his happiness and the drink had put Sirius in absolutely the best mood and he couldn't help but think that he had had the best day of his life.

"Are we really going to drink tonight? Again?" Remus asked, sniffing his drink suspiciously.

"Oh, don't be so lame, Remus. I know you like a little glass of wine in the evening." James said, adopting a perfect imitation of Remus' high, posh accent, "All curled up with your book of poetry, a glass of the finest claret in-hand, the summer's breeze caressing your – Ouch!"

James ducked as Remus reached out and swatted him. "I'm not a snob."

"Oh, you are." James grinned. "I know it to be true."

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius chuckled and leaned back against the bedframe, his legs stretched out before him.

"It's much better than drinking beer and hollering about Quidditch all day like you, James." Remus shot back, punching James playfully in the shoulder.

"And no one can beat Sirius." James said, rolling his shoulders a couple times and dropping into Sirius' deep London accent. "A strong glass of whiskey, some heavy metal and a cigarette."

"Don't think you're good at impressions because you're not, mate." Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "And I don't smoke."

"Oh, don't you even give me that." Remus laughed. "I could smell it on you a mile away when you got here."

"You couldn't possibly." Sirius said, his eyes narrowing.

"Werewolf." Remus said, tapping his nose.

"That doesn't mean anything when you're human." Sirius snorted.

"Oh, it does!" Remus exclaimed. "I can smell _exactly _what you had for breakfast.

"Yeah, because you were there, you bloody idiot." Sirius laughed.

"Alright, alright! Order, please, order in the court!" James exclaimed. "I'm going to get more alcohol. You two stay here."

James got to his feet and crept out the door.

"Saw the cigarettes in my bag, did you?" Sirius asked, an eyebrow raised.

"I saw the cigarettes in your bag." Remus admitted, twisting his hands inside the sleeves of his jumper. "When did you start, Sirius? You know they're not healthy."

"Actually," Sirius said, getting to his feet and going to lean out the window, "Muggle doctors used to tell people it was good for them."

"You're not _that _stupid." Remus said, crossing the room.

"That's what they tell me." Sirius said, squinting up at the crescent moon as it crept higher and higher into the rapidly darkening night sky.

"When were you going to tell me?" Remus asked, slumping against the window frame in front of Sirius.

"Why does it matter?" Sirius laughed. "It's just cigarettes. I'm seventeen. I'm indestructible."

"That's what they tell me." Remus echoed.

"You know I _hate it _when you do that." Sirius snorted with laughter. "James is right; you are a snob. Using other people's words against them like you're all clever."

Remus shrugged and took a quick glance out the window, his soft brown curls falling into his face and obscuring his eyes.

"I'm just kidding." Sirius said, suddenly regretting his choice of joke.

Remus turned to look at Sirius an eyebrow raised.

"Hey." Sirius said, knocking Remus playfully in the arm. "Don't give me that look, you big sap."

For a brief moment, Remus' facade broke and Sirius saw a small smile break through.

"Come on now." Sirius smiled, leaning up and pointing a finger at Remus. "I saw that smile. And stop being so tall. When did you get so tall?"

"When did you get so short?" Remus asked with a small smile, slapping Sirius' finger away. He grabbed Sirius' shoulders and pushed him downwards.

"There you go again!" Sirius exclaimed, breaking into a huge grin. "Echoing!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I do not echo. It's... repetition. It's a literary device. It shows I'm listening."

"Is that so?" Sirius asked, still grinning like an idiot. "You are such a dork."

"Hello, boys." said a loud stage whisper right in their ears.

Sirius and Remus both let out a shriek in unison. In a moment of panic, Sirius and Remus both grabbed hold of each other.

"I keep finding you two in... compromising situations." James' head said as it appeared floating directly outside the window.

"What is _wrong _with you?" Sirius asked, his eyes as wide as dinner plates.

James pulled the invisibility cloak off all the way so that it draped loosely along his broom stick. "I've brought two other sticks if you care to remove yourselves from each other on this fine summer's night."

"You absolute arsehole." Remus said, letting go of Sirius and straightening the front of his jumper rather brusquely.

Sirius' heart was beating about a mile a minute and eyed James dangerously as he clambered up onto the window ledge.

"I long for a life of theatre, gentlemen." James said, sending the brooms out to hover just below the window. "Drama is my middle name."

"Well, your life isn't going to last long enough to make it to the theatre if you don't start flying." Sirius said, leaping out of the window and landing squarely on his broom stick.

"Why did I sign up to stay with you two?" Remus asked, stepping gingerly out of the window and onto his broomstick.

"You keep saying that, Moony!" Sirius called back as he sped off. "But you keep coming back!"


	3. Chapter Three

Wind whistled in Sirius' ears as he flew lying flat against his broomstick, the tips of his toes barely grazing the grass of the fields below him. The summer air had felt heavy when he had first left the Potters' but now it felt incredibly cool and dry as it whipped at his hair and face. Vaguely he was aware of Remus somewhere behind him hollering at him to stop and the shape of James ahead, but he didn't have the luxury to pay attention. The night was black and lay thick as ink around him and it was only very barely by the light of the sliver moon that he could tell what was around him. He lunged over boulders, swerved around trees and followed the curve of several ditches as he raced to keep up with his best friend. His heart beat came fast and strong in his ears and he leaned even more heavily against his broomstick, urging it to keep up with James' Nimbus.

"Whoa, James! Look out for - OH, SHIT!"

With a mighty crash, James collided head on with a rather girthy specimin of an oak sending him flying to the ground and his broom careening mutinously into the night. Sirius pulled his broomstick up suddenly and narrowly avoided the lowest branches of the oak and landed on his feet next to the crumpled pile that was James Potter.

"Alright, mate?" Sirius asked, breathing heavily as he prodded his best friend with the toe of his boot.

"I'm fine just geroff me." James said, his voice muffled by the enormous mouthful of dirt he had very nearly swallowed.

"Does that mean I won?" Sirius asked, breaking out into an enormous smile that pulled at the corner of the gash on his face painfully. Sirius winced, but ignored it and prodded James again with his foot.

"It does not bloody well mean that I won." James said, pulling himself up slowly into a sitting position, his glasses askew. "Where the bloody hell is Remus?"

"I could have sworn he was right behind me." Sirius raised an eyebrow and turned this way and that, squinting off into the night. The Potters' house was a mere speck on the horizon. "Well, give the lad a minute. He's not a very gifted flier."

Moments passed and finally they could see a figure speeding towards them on broomstick.

"We're in so much trouble." Sirius laughed, leaning forwards with his hands on his knees to catch his breath. "Look at his face."

He was close enough now that by the pale light of the moon both boys could clearly see the deep scowl set against Remus' normally serene features. Sirius bit his lip and looked down at James, trying to hold in his laughter. James still sat on the ground brushing the dirt off his clothes, looking both extremely guilty and extremely pleased with himself.

Remus pulled up neatly in front of them and dismounted, his soft brown curls wild around his head from the wind.

"Seriously?" Remus asked, breathing hard as he wiped his hands on the front of his trousers.

Sirius grinned wildly, biting his lower lip to stop from laughing. James punched Sirius in the arm.

"You look like an imbecile." James muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

"You two always speed off and leave me in the dust." Remus grumbled, trying to smooth his hair down, but only puffing it back up again in the process.

"We didn't mean to." Sirius said, stifling a laugh by covering it with an unfortunate cough.

"Oh, shut it, Sirius." Remus said, his eyes narrowing. He walked brusquely over to James and crouched down to help him up.

Sirius looked up at the sky, still trying not to laugh. The offending oak tree's branches swayed in the midnight breeze, obscuring the moon for a few moments while Remus and James crouched next to him.

"Well, come on, then." Remus said with a deep sigh, pulling James to his feet. "Off we go. It's awfully late and I'm rather tired."

James hung his head and followed, grabbing his broom from the ground where it had only just reappeared.

Sirius turned to follow, took one step forward and fell flat on his face.

Remus had tied his boot laces together.

* * *

><p>"Now, listen," James slurred, a bottle of whiskey in his hand and his back up against the chimney. "I don't care what anyone says. The time has come for us to stand up for what's right! Fight the good fight an' all that."<p>

"James." Remus sighed, sitting next to Sirius with his legs tucked up underneath him. "I think everyone's scared. I think everyone wants to fight but we shouldn't just leap blindly into action."

Sirius leaned back with his eyes closed against the flat of the roof, the world gently spinning to the rhythm of Remus and James' conversation. They had flown back to James', nicked a bottle of whiskey and made their way to the roof over the attic which was flat and wide and faced out onto the Potters' many acres of land. Sirius could feel the warmth of Remus' leg where it was touching his arm. He twisted slightly so that his head was in Remus' lap and he felt Remus reach his hand down absent-mindedly to play with his hair.

"Well, why shouldn't we? We're going to be at war anyways, Remus. How long do we have to sit around and plot and wait?" James asked, bringing the bottle up to his lips and grimacing.

Remus ran his fingers through Sirius' hair, chewing his lip in thought. "I think you've been watching too many muggle war movies, James."

"Don't..." James hiccoughed, "Patronize me."

Sirius let his head tilt to the side as Remus ran his fingertips distractedly along Sirius' hairline.

"That's not what I meant." Remus sighed. "Ah. I'm sorry. I'm drunk. I'm not good with words. Things just come out sometimes. What I meant is that you shouldn't get enthralled by reactionary and impulsive... Ah. What am I trying to say?"

"Don't jump the gun just because you're pissed." Sirius filled in, his eyes shut. "And don't stop, Remus."

"Ah. Sorry." Remus mumbled, twisting his fingers back into Sirius' hair.

"You're on his side, Sirius?" James asked.

"I'm on the side of whomever gives me head scritches." Sirius replied.

"I'm going to bed." James said, grabbing hold of the chimeny and dragging himself carefully to his feet. He walked over and handed Remus the bottle of whiskey. "How about you two stay here with the bottle and you can _scritch _each other all you want."

"Those are dangerous words, James!" Remus called after him as James disappeared through the trap door back into his bedroom.

As the door shut, Sirius opened his eyes and tried to focus on Remus' face a few feet away.

"He sure is all fired up." Remus said, shifting so that he could run both hands through Sirius' hair.

"Mmhmm." Sirius mumbled.

They were quiet for several minutes, Sirius with his eyes closed and Remus with his hands running gently through his hair.

"Sirius?" Remus finally asked. "Are you asleep?"

"Nope." Sirius replied, eyes still closed.

"Do you want to talk about how you got that cut on your face?" Remus asked casually, rubbing his fingertips against Sirius' temples.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, his dark eyes opening to meet Remus'. "You know how I got it. By being a twat on purpose to my parents."

Remus remained quiet for a moment, his mouth twisted in thought. "Sirius, how long has stuff like this been going on?"

Sirius swallowed hard and looked away. "A couple years now, I expect. It's not a big deal, Moony. I really am fine."

"You know it's okay to _not _be fine?" Remus asked, smoothing Sirius' hair down.

Sirius rolled his eyes and pushed Remus' hand away. "Remus, let's not and say we didn't."

"Sorry, Sirius... I've just been worried about you all day." Remus said. "Here, come back."

Remus crossed his legs and motioned to his lap. Sirius could feel the familiar irritation from earlier boiling up inside him, but he obediently lay back down in Remus' lap.

"I didn't think hanging around with two blokes would involve so much talking about feelings and other such melodramatics." Sirius said, his jaw clenched and his arms crossed.

"Listen, Sirius." Remus said quietly, resting his hand on Sirius' head. "I just care what happens to you, okay? I don't care what you have to say about 'hanging around with blokes' but you're more than that to me, Sirius."

Sirius instantly regretted his harsh tone. It was easy to forget that he could get away with that kind of thing with James or Peter but not so much with Remus. Remus could, of course, handle the truth, maybe better than any of them could, but it didn't mean he was impervious.

"Sorry, Moony." Sirius said.

"I mean it, Sirius." Remus said, his voice taking on a tone that Sirius couldn't quite identify. Remus ran a hand gently over Sirius' forehead. "I care for you."

Sirius, who had turned his head to meet Remus' hand, froze.

"Remus, you mushball." Sirius chuckled, suddenly very conscious of Remus' hands against his skin. "You're going all soft on me."

"Sorry." Remus muttered, pulling his hands quickly away.

There was a silence for a moment before Sirius cleared his throat and sat up, reaching for the bottle. "Well. Another shot?"

"Another shot." Remus replied, looking anywhere but at Sirius.

* * *

><p>"Your face looks better."<p>

Sirius opened his eyes slowly, blinking hard at the blinding light streaming in from the window next to his bed. Blinking furiously, he looked up to see Remus sitting on the edge of his bed.

_This is the absolute last time James talks me into drinking, _Sirius thought, as a piercing headache began to jab at his temples.

"Does it?" Sirius asked, his voice gravelly with exhaustion.

"Yeah." Remus said quietly. "I still want to take a look at it, though."

"Can it not wait like, fifteen minutes?" Sirius grumbled, rolling over on his side.

"I'd prefer not." Remus said.

"What's the rush?" Sirius grumbled, finding himself growing slightly irritated with his friend.

"I'm leaving for the day." Remus said. "I told you last night. Remember?"

"I don't remember anything about last night." Sirius replied, grabbing a pillow and shoving it down over his face.

"Not surprising." Remus replied.

Sirius lifted the pillow from his face and glanced over at Remus, detecting the distinct note of unhappiness in Remus' voice.

"What's wrong with you?" Sirius asked.

"What? Nothing." Remus shrugged. "It's time to get up, though."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine. Clear off so I can change."

"Fine. Meet me in the bathroom?" Remus asked, getting to his feet and straightening his jumper.

"Yeah, yeah." Sirius said, placing the pillow back over his face and listening as Remus' footsteps faded towards the door.

The night before was largely a blur in his memory. He remembered climbing up onto the roof and then listening to James and Remus debate politics. Sirius let out a small groan as he remembered the slightly awkward exchange they had shared before they had finished off the rest of the whiskey together in relative silence.

_I was awfully drunk_, Sirius thought, his stomach sinking uncomfortably as he remembered Remus' hands in his hair.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he sat up. Putting his head in his hands, he tried to make sense of the scenario that had played out last night. Remus had said something...

"_You're more than that to me, Sirius."_

Sirius remembered, feeling like a weight had just dropped into his stomach.

"_I mean it, Sirius. I care for you."_

For a moment, Sirius felt pure panic coursing through him. _We've been friends since first year... Remus couldn't be... He couldn't have been saying -_

"Hey, mate!" James swung into the room with his jacket slung over his shoulder.

Sirius looked up as James came in, his face white as a ghost.

"Wanna come down and – Whoa!" James took a step backwards as he noticed the look on Sirius' face. "What happened?"

"Don't worry about it. I have to go get my face looked after." Sirius said gruffly, getting to his feet and moving to pass James.

"It can wait." James said, his brow furrowed. He raised his arm to block Sirius' way out of the door.

"James. Come on." Sirius sighed, shaking his long black hair out of his eyes.

"It can wait." James said more firmly. "Look, I didn't expect you to just come stay with me forever without ever having to talk about what's bothering you."

Sirius rolled his eyes and let out a deep, world-weary sigh. "Just let me go, James."

"I don't think so." James said, closing the door behind him and locking it.

"You know that you just locked that from the inside. I can get out as easily as I want." Sirius said dryly.

"Just tell me what's going on. It's been two days and you still haven't talked to either one of us sober about how you're feeling." James said, ignoring Sirius' comment.

"Since when have we been the talk-about-your-feelings types?" Sirius demanded. "What _is it_ with you two?"

"I'm not about that macho shit, Sirius, and you know that. " James said simply.

Sirius sighed and fell quiet. "I... I don't think you would get it."

"No, I probably wouldn't. I'm lucky enough to come from a family who loves me unconditionally. I have no biological brothers or sisters. I'm the beloved only child. I can't understand what you're going through, Sirius, because I never went through it. But I can talk to you about. I can listen." James said, his arms crossed.

"Listen, what's bothering me right now isn't my family, okay?" Sirius replied, finally. "You guys can stop treating me like I'm going to spiral into a mental breakdown at any second."

James raised an eyebrow. "Okay. Then what's it about?"

Sirius was absolutely mortified that he was being forced to talk about this when even he hadn't sorted out exactly what he thought of the situation. It was the absolute last thing he wanted to do and he had no idea what to say.

"It's..." Sirius trailed off. "It's about Remus."

James raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah. I thought it might be. I know he was acting like a prick yesterday but he really was trying to keep an eye out for you."

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. At least they weren't going to tackle the issue head-on.

"Yeah. I mean, it's nice of him to be playing nurse and stuff but I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself. I know my limits and what they are." Sirius said. "Not to mention playing therapist."

"You know he just means well, right? He's just making sure you don't push yourself to far. You know your limits, sure, but you usually ignore them." James chuckled.

Sirius had to agree. "I just don't like being treated like a baby."

"You're not being treated like a baby. You're being treated like someone who's hurt." James replied.

"You know, if I hear that I'm 'hurt' or 'hurting' one more time, I'm going to kill someone." Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Remus is so melodramatic."

"Maybe so." James shrugged. "But it's how he shows he cares."

"I don't see him running after you with a handkerchief every time you get a scraped knee." Sirius said, a bit more bitterly than he had expected.

"That's because I know when it's time to stop and rest. I know when it's time to actually admit that I need a break. I know when I need to finally suck in my pride and sit down and take care of myself." James said. "You don't, mate."

Sirius sighed. He realized he was much more confused about the way Remus had been treating him than he had thought.

"You don't think it's anything... more than that?" Sirius asked cautiously, scratching the back of his neck.

"More?" James asked, his brow furrowing. "Like... how?"

"Nevermind." Sirius said, waving his hand as if to drive the thought away. "I'm just going to forget about it."

"Yeah, probably a good idea." James said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "He's going to be gone for the day so maybe it's a good opportunity for you two to get some distance? I think you'll appreciate him much more when he gets back."

"Where's he even going?" Sirius asked.

"Apparently to meet with his Mum." James said.

"Oh, dear." Sirius said quietly.

"Yeah." James said quietly. "Anyways, mate, go get yourself cleaned up because you smell like an old barrel of whiskey."

"Thanks." Sirius said sarcastically, punching James in the arm and moving through the door.

Sirius wasn't sure whether talking about it had made things more clear or more confusing. Maybe it was true that Remus was just looking after him in a friendly sort of way, but how did that excuse what had happened the night before... and the night before that?

Sirius swung into the bathroom and found Remus sitting on the edge of the counter.

"What took you so long?" Remus snapped, jumping to his feet.

Surprised at the hostility, Sirius raised an eyebrow. "James cornered me."

"I told you I was in a rush." Remus said.

"Sorry." Sirius said slowly, amazed at the uncharacteristically angry tone in Remus' voice.

"Take care of yourself, Sirius. I need to go." Remus said, pushing a rag into Sirius' hand and then turning stiffly out the door.

Sirius turned to look at himself in the mirror, absolutely dumb-founded by Remus' behaviour. How could someone be so jovial and cheery one moment and then so irritable the next?

* * *

><p>Remus had lied. He hadn't told James or Sirius that he was leaving today He needed time away from his friends and he needed it right now. Being together with them day-in-and-day-out at school was one thing, but being confined to close quarters without schoolwork or reading to distract him was another. Both of his best friends were quite extroverted while he was decidedly introverted. There was only so much rough-housing, fooling around and alcohol consumption he could handle without taking a little time for himself.<p>

He had assured Mr. and Mrs. Potter that he was no stranger to taking the Knight Bus and that it would be no problem to take it into London, but they had been very firmly against it. The Potters had a muggle car in the garage collecting dust and Mr. Potter had jumped at the chance to take it out and about for the day. It was a nice old car, maybe about twenty years old, and American in design. He had purchased it at a muggle curiosity auction many years ago and it was one of his secret pleasures. Together, he and Remus got into the car and drove off in the direction of London, leaving the noise behind.

It was a quiet drive in and Remus savoured the comfortable silence they shared as they drove. Remus hadn't had a moment to himself for almost a week as he had come to the Potters' house several days earlier than Sirius. James was wonderful fun but wasn't overly interested in quiet afternoons in.

And since Sirius had arrived... Well, he hadn't had a quiet moment at all, waking or sleeping. The sight of Sirius' battered face as he stepped into the Potters' home that first night had shocked him so badly it had been all he could do to keep a straight face. It had hurt him so much to see Sirius like that. It had hurt so much to know that Sirius had been subjected to that much pain while he and James had had such wonderful summers with their respective families. It had hurt so much knowing that he couldn't have been there with Sirius to kill Orion Black where he stood.

Remus had always had a protective side for Sirius and it stretched back as far as he could remember. At first, Remus had thought he just admired Sirius. He thought that Sirius was funny, brave and confident – everything Remus didn't see in himself – and that he was happy to have him as a friend. As they got older, however, and as Remus realized he was interested in boys probably more than he was interested in girls, Remus couldn't ignore the fact that it was more than admiration that he was starting to feel for Sirius. He had tried to pretend that he corrected Sirius' homework, participated in his pranks and hung around with him because he was being a good friend. He tried to pretend that he had changed his time table last year after realizing that Sirius was taking Muggle Studies so that he could help Sirius with his notes instead of not wanting to be apart from him. He tried to pretend that he hadn't noticed every single time Sirius had spoken to a girl in the past six years. He tried to pretend that he hadn't been in love with Sirius Black since the day he had set eyes on him but he was having a hard time convincing himself of that now.

The past couple days and nights had been an exercise in self-restraint for Remus. Everything in him was screaming to hold Sirius, to tell him everything was going to be okay, but he knew there was no way that could possibly go well for anyone involved. He knew he had screwed up last night. There was a reason he didn't usually drink and the way he had behaved was precisely why. He knew he couldn't restrain himself from getting closer to Sirius than he should while drinking and that is exactly what he had let happen. He had chosen to tactfully ignore the hostility in Sirius' voice after he had touched his face. What had happened last night, however, was inexcusable. He knew Sirius noticed the tone in his voice – he had felt him freeze up under his touch and then have to drown himself in whiskey to forget it.

And this morning, as he went to go see what was taking Sirius so long, his suspicions were confirmed when he overheard the beginning of his and James' conversation about him. He didn't blame Sirius for being angry at him. He couldn't be sure that Sirius remembered what had happened after coming down from the roof, but he could be sure that Sirius was starting to see he was giving him special treatment. It needed to stop. It could _never _happen again.

"The Leaky Cauldron?" Mr. Potter asked, finally, after about 45 minutes of amicable silence.

"Yes, please." Remus said, jumping slightly at the voice after such a long quiet.

Mr. Potter pulled up alongside the dingy pub on a side street and let Remus out. He handed him his bag and leaned out the window.

"Not visiting your Mum, are you?" Mr. Potter asked, adjusting his round spectacles.

"No, sir. I'm... Well, I'm spending a day at Flourish and Blotts." Remus said, chuckling slightly.

"Good man. Our little secret, eh?" Mr. Potter nodded. "I'll be back at around 4:00 to pick you up. Dorea would be quite distressed if we didn't make it home in time for dinner."

Remus nodded and waved as the back of the car disappeared around the corner. Hitching his backpack over one shoulder, Remus proceeded in through the Leaky Cauldron and out into Diagon Alley.

The roads here were busy, but not as packed as they would be in a week or two when Hogwarts students would flock here to pick up school supplies. Despite the crowds, Remus made it to the old book store in record time. It smelled lovely in here – like dusty ancient tomes, leather-bound books and the smell of dried ink. He felt at home at once and lost himself amongst the endless reaches of bookshelves, trying to find the perfect book.

By the time he had made his way to an armchair to sit down with his stack of books it had already struck 1 o' clock. Carefully, he set his stack of books down on the coffee table and took a deep breath in and out. Peace and quiet.

* * *

><p><em>Quidditch through the Ages. Walking with the Wimbourne Wasps. The Chudley Canons: Interviews.<em> _Animagi and their Origins. Patronuses and their Purposes._

He had begun to sort the books into two piles before he heard someone call his name.

"Remus Lupin! What are you doing here?"

Remus looked up to see Lily Evans walking towards him dragging a few friends along behind her.

"Oh, just doing some book shopping." Remus said, getting up out of his chair to greet her.

"Same! I dragged these girls out here with me because I didn't think I would run into anybody on a Tuesday. Guess I was wrong!" Lily smiled. "Where are Black and Potter? I heard you three were all shacked up this summer."

"Oh, they stayed home." Remus smiled.

"Needed some time off?" Lily asked, laughing.

"How did you guess?" Remus chuckled, running his hand through his hair. "I'm supposed to be visiting my Mum, though, so don't tell them."

"Nice. I've got your secret." Lily winked. She turned to her friends and told her she would meet up with them later then took a seat in the armchair opposite Remus.

Remus couldn't decide whether he was happy Lily was staying or whether he wanted her to leave. He was out today to avoid James and Sirius and he had to admit to feeling slightly guilty for leaving them just to end up spending time with Lily.

"Got yourself a stack of... interesting reading, there." Lily said, peering forward at the stack on the table.

"Oh, I thought Sirius might like these." Remus said, patting one of the two stacks he had made before Lily arrived.

"He's not even with you." Lily laughed. "Why don't you find something for yourself if you came all the way out here to be alone?"

"That's why I have these." Remus said, pointing to the other stack.

"Let's see... _River Dwelling Creatures of Scotland, Essays on Dragons and their Kin_ and _Studies on Magickal Beastes of the New Worlde. _Sounds exciting!" Lily laughed. "Oh, wait! Are those muggle books? I didn't know you read muggle poetry, Remus. _The Bell Jar?_ I love that book!"

"They have a small selection of muggle literature here." Remus laughed. "I have a special place for Sylvia Plath."

"Oh, me, too." Lily sighed. "Who knew you were such a romantic?"

Remus shrugged. "Muggle Studies has always been a small passion of mine. Especially contemporary European muggle literature."

Lily leaned back, looking distinctly impressed. "You know I'm muggle born, right? My house is packed with poetry books and all the classics. I'll bring a couple for you when we go back to school."

"I would love that!" Remus smiled, shocked at how much he shared in common with her.

"Now, Remus, tell me what you think of Lewis Carroll." Lily smiled, leaning forwards.

* * *

><p>They shared a lovely afternoon together, discussing the ins and outs of great European authors and poets as dust settled around them amongst the many thousands of books and scrolls. Remus and Lily had known each other since first year, but he had only really started realizing what an interesting person she was after James and Sirius had been giving her a hard time for a couple years. Remus had always meant to spend time with her but had never found the opportunity. By the time 3:30 struck on the clock over their heads, Remus was convinced that Lily Evans was one of the most intellectually fascinating people he had ever met.<p>

_James doesn't have a chance with her, _Remus thought as he listened to Lily extoll the virtues of William Shakespeare who, according to Lily, was definitely a wizard.

"Lily, I've got to go meet Mr. Potter. He's going to take me back for dinner." Remus said, getting to his feet finally. "This has been really great."

"Hasn't it?" Lily grinned, getting up from her seat. "Send me an owl sometime."

"I will." Remus smiled.

"No, seriously. Send me an owl. Maybe we can meet up in Diagon Alley to get school supplies?" Lily asked, her head cocked to one side.

"Sounds good to me." Remus said, scooping up the stack of books in his arms. He had been saving up all summer for the chance to go on a shopping spree here. Before he left for the cash, however, he took the books for Sirius off the top and left them on the table. Lily was right – he wasn't here.

"All set to go?" Lily asked?

"All set." Remus replied as Lily slid her arm through his.


	4. Chapter Four

_Author's Note: This chapter took quite a bit of research as, unfortunately, I have no idea what the rules of poker are. I'm sure that I got things egregiously wrong, so feel free to call me out on it if I did. I'm always happy to correct it later. Anyways, thank you for the reviews and please continue to let me know what you think!_

* * *

><p>By the time Remus and Mr. Potter had arrived back at the Potters', the sun had already begun to cast a golden glow across the estate, illuminating everything as if had been entirely cast in bronze. The days were starting to get shorter as September inched closer and closer and, despite the high heat during the day, Remus had started to notice a distinct chill in the air at night. He was looking forward to autumn – heavy woollen sweaters, the briskness of the morning air and the crunch of leaves underfoot.<p>

As he approached the house, Remus spotted James and Sirius high up on the grey stone fence that lined the property's perimeter. James was sitting with his feet dangling over the edge, a glass of lemonade clutched in his hand while Sirius was wandering along, placing one foot carefully in front of the other, as if he were walking a tight rope.

Remus sighed. He knew that he couldn't convince Sirius that he would fall and break his neck no matter what he said. Sirius was fiery and alive like the feverish heat of summer; everything Sirius did was with passion and conviction. He ran on instinct and impulse, jumping from thrill to thrill without pause. Remus had never truly noticed how much he looked out for Sirius, how he carefully watched over Sirius' flame so that it didn't burn out. As much as Sirius would never admit it, he didn't know how to take care of himself; he had never learned how to channel his own fire. It fell so often to Remus to pick up his own ashes and start over again that it felt almost second-nature to him now. And so, when he looked up and saw Sirius doing exactly what he always did - behaving with little to no regard for self-preservation - Remus stopped himself before he called up for them to get down. After what he had overheard Sirius and James talking about this morning, Remus was starting to question whether Sirius had ever truly appreciated just how much effort he had put into keeping him, into keeping all of them, alive, sane and grounded.

"Remus! How's dear Mrs. Lupin?" James asked, leaning over the edge.

"What? Oh, Fine, just fine. I ran into Evans." Remus said, shielding his eyes against the sun.

Sirius made a quick about-face high above him that Remus chose to carefully ignore.

_He can take care of himself, _Remus thought, his jaw clenched.

"Did you?" James asked. "Where did you meet your Mum that you ran into _her_?"

"The Leaky Cauldron." Remus said.

"Odd." James said, turning to look over at Sirius. "Are you going to quit the acrobatics yet, or what?"

"I might." Sirius said casually, making his way back over towards James.

"You're going to give Remus a heart attack." James said, chuckling.

Remus raised his eyebrows. James was right, but the last thing he wanted to do was push Sirius into getting angry about him being overprotective again.

"Fine." Sirius sighed, sitting down sharply, grabbing the edge of the fence and repelling down to the ground as if it were nothing.

"You're going to kill yourself one day." James said, moving much more carefully than Sirius to the edge of the fence to jump down.

"How is Evans?" Sirius asked, walking over and slinging his arm around Remus' shoulders.

The anger Remus felt towards Sirius melted away instantly at his touch. He was still hurt by what Sirius had said this morning, and by all rights he knew he should show he was angry, but he simply could not resist the way Sirius' hand was resting on his arm. The tension released from Remus' shoulders as he leaned into Sirius' one-armed hug.

"She was great. We chatted for a little bit. She seems to be doing quite well." Remus said, watching as James struggled to get down from the fence.

"Sounds absolutely fascinating." Sirius laughed, shaking his long black hair away from his eyes. He removed his arm from Remus' shoulders and crossed them as he watched James struggle.

Remus chuckled. Trying to find words was always a struggle when Sirius was so close.

"So did you two talk about _me_?" James asked, finally hitting the ground. He wiped his hands off on his jeans and came over towards his two friends.

"We did. In fact, she asked if we wanted to meet up with her and go with her to Diagon Alley in a week?" Remus said.

"_Us_?" James asked, motioning to everyone and then back to Remus. "Or _you_?"

"Well, she asked me, but I assumed that the invitation extended to all of us..." Remus said, trailing off as he detected the well-hidden, yet certainly present, note of hostility in James' voice. "She asked about you two, actually, so I figured that the invitation was all-encompassing...?"

James relaxed slightly and clapped Remus on the shoulder, "Alright, then. Well, you send the old girl an owl and arrange it."

"You know, you're not helping your cause by calling her an 'old girl'." Remus said, his eyebrow raised as the three of them moved towards the house.

"I don't need any help. My cause is very successful, I'll have you know. Far more successful than yours." James said playfully, nudging Remus in the arm.

"My cause has taste and standards, James. I don't just go running after everyone who smiles at me." Remus grinned, nudging James back.

"Are you implying that I have no standards?" James asked in mock-shock.

"I think he might be." Sirius grinned.

* * *

><p>Remus, Sirius and James sat down to dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Potter in the main dining room. The house elves had outdone themselves tonight and the table was laden with soup tureens full of leek and potato soup, platters of thick-cut roast beef and heavy, crusty loaves of bread. Remus had come from a family of very little means and before he had attended Hogwarts, he had rarely ever had the chance to eat so lavishly. Food was a small passion of Remus', especially dessert. He found that even when the world seemed to be falling apart, food was a way to calm him and centre him on the moment. The very smell of the food was enough to set his taste buds watering and when they sat down to eat, there was little conversation to be had.<p>

"I thought we could head out to the fields tonight." James suggested. "I've got an old clubhouse out there somewhere. I wonder if we could find it again."

"I would be surprised if you could even fit in there anymore, James." Mr. Potter laughed. "I built that for you before you left for Hogwarts."

"We can dream." James grinned. "Plus, it's an excuse to take Sirius and James out on the brooms."

Remus rolled his eyes.

"I suppose it is." Mr. Potter smiled. "Be careful, though, we've been having a bit of a pest problem in the outer fields where James' old clubhouse is. I think it may be badgers hiding out in the trees."

"We'll be sure to keep an eye out. Badgers shouldn't pose too much of an issue for us." Remus said with a smile.

"Let's go then!" Sirius smiled. "Any opportunity to get on a broom!"

Remus couldn't help but feel guilty as Sirius and James leaped to their feet to get their brooms. He didn't want to leave his hosts behind so abruptly, even if he knew the house elves would be along to help with the washing up.

"Thank you very much for the meal." Remus managed to say before Sirius dragged him away.

Twilight had fallen during dinner and James and Sirius had little light to work from as they rummaged around in the old shed behind the house. Crickets had started to hum merrily from the tall grass in the garden and the night air had started to cool slightly. Remus leaned against the shed and closed his eyes, enjoying the pleasantly warm breeze.

"Got 'em!" James yelled out, emerging from the back of the shed, coated from head to toe in dust and cobwebs. He was carrying three broom-mountable lanterns. "Shall we go, then?"

The brooms were still lying against the other side of the shed from when they had played Quidditch together the other afternoon and James got quickly to work mounting the lanterns onto them. Sirius had already mounted his and was scooting around the back of the garden, slowly ramping up his speed with every lap.

"He's going to fly into the fence and it's going to be so funny." Remus said, watching as Sirius gained speed and narrowly avoided hitting the mermaid fountain.

"Five galleons on falling into the fountain." James said, handing Remus a broom and mounting his own.

"I change my mind - Five galleons on hitting a tree." Remus said, trying to remain light-hearted even though he knew Sirius was probably going to hurt himself.

James and Remus hovered for a moment until finally, Sirius flew up and over the fence in what was supposed to be a grand demonstration of his flight prowess, when he instead hit the ground on the other side with a dull thud.

"Ah, neither of us won." James said sadly, listening as Sirius swore loudly to himself. "Let's go."

After dusting himself off, Sirius got back on his broom and joined the other two as they skimmed across the fields, staying low to the ground. The night air was chilly, but refreshing, and Remus felt completely at ease as he looked from James to Sirius next to him. Something about this felt so right, as if nothing should ever change.

"James, do you know where we're going?" Sirius asked after several minutes of flight. The Potters' house was almost a mile behind them and they were nearly at the treeline marking the edge of the estate. The fields here were lush and green, though here and there were yellow burn marks brought on by the bright August sun.

"No! It's right over here, I'm sure of it..." James said, leading Sirius and Remus up along the tree line.

"How do you forget where your childhood clubhouse is...?" Remus asked Sirius as they flew along behind James.

"A few too many bludgers to the head, I'd wager." Sirius grinned.

"I heard that!" James called from ahead. He flew on for a minute or so more before coming to a sudden halt and jumping off his broom. "Found it."

James dismounted and began searching the treeline.

"Are you sure?" Remus asked cautiously. Night had fully fallen now and only the light of the moon and the light from their lanterns were guiding them.

"I'm sure." James said, carrying his broom over his shoulder and walking forwards into the trees. "There should be a..."

James swept aside several branches and uncovered a very large wooden shack tucked away underneath.

"Wicked." Sirius grinned, following James into the shack, "I feel like I'm ten again."

Remus followed, and was surprised to find that the inside was even larger than the outside. Time had not treated the place well, but it was evident that the person who built it put quite a bit of care into it. The small shack was built entirely out of solid wood planks and the floor, though slightly dirty now, had also been constructed out of hardwood. The walls were plastered with Quidditch posters, old advertisements for broomsticks and even one or two posters for various types of butterbeer. While the place had been emptied out, it was clear that James had spent quite a bit of time here as a child.

"This used to be my favourite hang out." James said proudly, walking around the room and lighting the lanterns that were hanging from the wall. "Dad built it for me a couple years before I went away to Hogwarts."

"This is awesome." Sirius grinned. "I wish my parents had let Reg and I have a clubhouse."

Remus felt an odd twinge of jealousy as he looked around the room. It was clear that James' parents loved him quite a lot and had spared no expense in keeping him happy. Remus hadn't had anything like this as a child and he was rarely allowed to go over to friends' houses who had clubhouses like these. Werewolves were hardly a parent's dream friend for their child.

"This is really cool." Remus said lamely, sitting down on the floor and bringing his legs close into his body.

Sirius collapsed down onto the floor across from him. "Need a bit of a sweep in here, Prongs."

"Yeah, I haven't been in here in years." James said, inspecting a poster he had put up long ago of a supermodel. "What is this poster? I was ten last time I was in here. What was I doing with supermodels?"

"Your rise to pathetic skirt-chaser began here." Sirius laughed. "The busty supermodel foretold it."

James whacked Sirius on the back of the head before grabbing a lantern. He set it down on the floor and sat around it, forming a circle with Remus and Sirius.

"We've only got two weeks left before we go back to Hogwarts." James said. "And it's going to be our last."

Remus looked up, surprised at the melancholic tone in James' voice.

"Let's make it our best." Remus said, smiling. "Besides, we've got so much to look forward to after!"

"Yeah, I can't _wait _to get out of Hogwarts." Sirius said, kicking his legs out in front of him.

"Really?" Remus asked, picking at a rip in his jeans. "We've been there almost our whole lives. I'm kind of scared to move on."

"I'm not hung up on it." Sirius shrugged. "As soon as I hit the age of majority, I'm getting a motorcycle and driving off into the sunset."

"You are _not_ getting a motorcycle." Remus laughed.

"I am! I have my eye on one, actually." Sirius said. "I'll take you with me, if you want. Into the sunset."

Remus felt his face going red.

_Stop it,_ Remus thought, willing himself to say something back to Sirius.

"You can drop me off at a library on your way to the sunset." Remus laughed.

"Good deal." Sirius smiled.

They laughed together for a minute before falling silent.

"Cards?" James asked finally, fishing around in his pockets.

"Why not?" Sirius shrugged. "Maybe we'll finally beat Remus' poker face."

Remus smiled knowingly. It was a well-known fact in the Gryffindor towers that Remus was an undefeated poker champion. Nobody had _ever_ been able to successfully see through his bluff. He was a force to be reckoned with and had amassed a small fortune in winnings over the years.

"Merlin's Hold 'Em or 7-card stud?" Remus asked, reaching for the deck and beginning to shuffle the cards.

The moonlight began to pour into the clubhouse from the open window as the night grew darker. Cards passed from hand to hand and the night's winnings began to pour into Remus' hand. Sirius had won one round, but Remus had made sure not to let it happen again. The boys each sat intensely focused on their hands just as they heard a twig snap outside.

James looked up from his cards. "What was that?"

Sirius shrugged. "Probably a squirrel, Prongs. Don't try to distract us, I know what you're playing at."

"I'm not playing at any-"

Everyone fell silent as they heard the rustle of leaves somewhere outside the walls. Remus shifted ever so slightly closer to Sirius.

"We get badgers around here sometimes." James said, his voice slightly softer than before. "You know what Dad said."

"Right." Sirius said, clearing his throat. "Let's get back into the game."

"Fold." James said irritably, tossing his hand onto the ground.

"Ha!" Sirius said, tossing his hand down on the ground. "Remus, you bastard, I know you're lying."

Remus' face didn't change at all. He looked from the hand of cards on the ground up to Sirius. With a small smile, he laid out his cards.

"Are you... Are you kidding me?! Flush!" Sirius gasped, tossing his head back.

Remus grinned and raked the galleons towards him. "Another hand, friends...?"

Remus trailed off as he heard soft footsteps coming from outside. James drew his wand slowly and Remus inched closer to Sirius.

"Did you see that?" James asked, his head snapping quickly to the window where a dark silhouette passed by so quickly it almost hadn't been there at all.

"That's not a badger." Remus whispered. He reached instinctively for his wand, but willed himself not to use it. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin his chances at a good future because of the use of underage magic.

Sirius pressed his finger to his lips and slowly got into a crouching position to stand up. Remus shook his head furiously and grabbed Sirius by the arm.

"Just let it go by us but stay on guard." Remus said, fighting to keep his voice steady.

The windows began rattling and all around them a high wind picked up. Remus' breath was coming fast and short and he could hear Sirius breathing next to him. In that moment, Remus wanted nothing more than to grab Sirius' hand.

Sirius looked as if he were on the verge of running for it as all the windows in the clubhouse shot open with a bang. Sirius got quickly to his feet and pulled Remus up next to him. He motioned for James to come closer. The three of them stood back-to-back, wands drawn, and waited.

"Quiet, mates." James said, the tremor in his voice betraying his attempt at courage.

Before they had a chance to do anything, a high wind rushed through the clubhouse, ripping several of the posters of the wall and extinguishing the lantern lights. It was dead quiet and all Remus could hear was the steady pounding of his own heart. He could feel James' arm pressed up against his and Sirius' back against his own. He was terrified, but resolute.

In a flash of bright light, the door to the cabin burst open. Remus felt someone's arms wrap around him and wrench him out of the way. Together, they whirled around so that he was facing away from the door.

_Sirius_, Remus thought, feeling the arms tighten around him and Sirius' face nestled into the back of his neck.

"Dad?!" James yelled suddenly.

Remus looked up, his knees just about to give way.

"You lot sure are easy to scare!" Mr. Potter grinned, pulling the hood down from over his face.

As quickly as Sirius had grabbed Remus, he let go and swung around. Catching sight of the wild look on Sirius' face, Remus was terrified for a moment that his friend was about to go to Azkaban for killing Charlus Potter.

"What in the _world..._" Sirius gasped, clutching at his heart.

"Sirius..." Remus said, a tone of warning in his voice. Remus could still hear his heart pounding in his ears, but the instant flood of relief at seeing that the menace was Charlus and not an evil force of the night was almost narcotic in its release.

Sirius finally dropped his wand, tossed his head back and roared with laughter. James joined in after a moment and when Remus finally found his voice, he couldn't help but laugh, too. With all the trouble they had gotten into over the years, they had been the most scared by James' own father. The thought really was hilarious.

It hadn't escaped Remus, however, that Sirius had grabbed him and pulled him out of the range of danger when things had been at their most intense. His body was still tingling where Sirius' arms had been. Even after the laughter amongst them had died down, Remus had a smile affixed to his face that he simply couldn't remove.

* * *

><p>"What in Merlin's Beard made you think that coming out here to scare the living daylights out of us was a good idea?" James asked as they flew altogether on their brooms back to the Potters' house.<p>

"Where do you think you came by such pranking prowess?" Mr. Potter asked, his blue eyes twinkling as he smiled. " I may be quiet, but back in my day I got into so much trouble with Armando Dippet that I was on cauldron detail in the dungeons for a month straight."

"What did you do?" Sirius asked, leaning in close to Charlus, his voice full of admiration.

"It's a wonderful story, actually. Our old history teacher, Professor Binns, was a bit of a bore. He would drone on and on and on - "

"Dad, we still have him." James laughed.

"How is that even possible? When I was at school over twenty-five years ago Professor Binns was well into his hundreds." Mr. Potter said, a puzzled look on his face.

"He's a ghost now, believe it or not." Remus piped in. "Still teaching, I might add."

"Amazing..." Mr. Potter said, shaking his head. "Anyways. Binns was a bit of a bore. He never noticed anything that happened amongst us so finally, I had the bright idea to begin moving our desks closer to the board every couple seconds. We had made our way all the way to the front of the room and were all crushed together like sardines before old Binns even realized Hannah Leonard's desk was pressed up against his legs!"

The four of them laughed so hard Remus nearly fell off his broom.

"So how did that land you with a month's worth of detention if he didn't notice?" Sirius asked finally, wiping a tear away from his eye.

"We had been doing the same trick for months!" Mr. Potter exclaimed before collapsing into a fit of laughter once again.

By the time the four had landed in the Potters' garden, it was well past midnight. The moon was low in the sky and the shadows were lengthening. Sirius and James had left to go tuck their brooms away in the shed and Remus and Mr. Potter were left standing together on the back porch.

"Are you glad to be back, Remus?" Mr. Potter asked. "Your afternoon went well."

Remus noted that the last statement was phrased more of a statement than as a question. "How do you know?"

"Only an owl came for you not an hour after we arrived back here." Mr. Potter said, smiling knowingly.

Remus perked up slightly. "From whom?"

"One Lily Evans." Mr. Potter replied. "Not that I read the address or name or anything."

Remus chuckled. "I'm glad she wrote me so quickly. She and I are organizing a meeting in Diagon Alley for next week."

"Good show!" Mr. Potter said, clapping Remus on the shoulder. "Good night then, boys."

"'Night." James, Sirius and Remus said in unison as the two boys came up behind them.

"Last one upstairs gets to sleep on the floor." James exclaimed, pushing past Sirius and Remus and running up the stairs.

Sirius and Remus both hit the floor running, nearly knocking over a house elf dusting in the living room. By the time they had made it upstairs to James' room, they were all fighting to cram themselves through the doorway, three at a time.

They collapsed on the floor inside the room and James closed the door, laughing.

"Guess we're all sleeping on the floor." James chuckled, breathing heavily.

Sirius shook his head and got to his feet. "Absolutely not. I'm sleeping right here."

Sirius walked over to his bed and noticed a small envelope on his pillow. "To Remus Lupin from... Lily Evans!"

Remus leaped to his feet and snatched at the letter in Sirius' hands.

"Feisty." Sirius said, glancing over at James with a puzzled, mischievous expression on his face.

Remus tore open the letter.

_Dear Remus,_

_I enjoyed our time together so much today. I didn't think I would ever find someone at Hogwarts who wanted to talk with me for so long on muggle literature! As soon as I got home I went straight to the library and picked up "To Kill a Mockingbird". I can't believe I had never heard of it. Thank you so much for telling me about it._

_So I thought it would be nice if you and I met up at Florean Fortescue's next Wednesday at noon if you can make it? I know a nice cafe that plays old jazz records if you'd like to have dinner afterwards? I know you're visiting with Potter, but I'm sure he and Black can find something else to do during that time?_

_Write back soon,_

_Lily._

Remus swallowed hard and looked up slowly from the letter. Remus felt suddenly as if the bottom had dropped out of his stomach.

Quickly, he folded the letter up and stuffed it down the front of his robes. The last thing he wanted was for James or Sirius to see it before he could write her and clear up the mistake.

"And what is this all about?" James asked, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

"Get him." Sirius said with an evil smile.

Before Remus could fight back, Sirius had pinned Remus to the ground, straddling him with his hands pinned over his head. James reached into Remus' shirt despite his vehement protests and produced the letter in his clenched fist.

"James! Don't!"

Remus waited as James read it, his eyes flying back and forth across the page. Remus watched with dread as James' bright smile slowly faded the further he read.

"Where were you this afternoon?" James asked darkly.

"What does it say?" Sirius asked, still astride Remus.

"Where were you?" James asked again, looking down at Remus.

"Look, I didn't mean to run into Lily..."

"Where were you?"

"I went to Flourish and Blott's to read. I needed... I needed some time to myself." Remus admitted.

Sirius slowly climbed off of Remus. "So you weren't with your Mum?"

"No. I knew you guys would make a big deal out of it if I told you I just wanted to be alone for the afternoon." Remus said quietly, getting to his feet.

"So instead you went and spent the afternoon with Lily." James said.

"I didn't _mean _to spend the afternoon with her. I found her in the bookstore and we spent some time together chatting. I even told you I saw her earlier." Remus explained.

"You said you _chatted with her for a bit. _How long is _a bit_?" James asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Two or three hours." Remus admitted, wincing slightly as he saw the colour starting to rise in James' cheeks.

James was a cheerful and friendly person, but he also had a terrible temper, especially when it came to girls. The last thing Remus had wanted James to do was to read that letter.

"I didn't mean to lead her on! I know you're into her." Remus said quickly.

"You think I'm that shallow?" James asked, his eyes flashing.

"Yes." Sirius said quietly, unable to contain himself.

James shot daggers at Sirius which shut him up. "You lied to us about going to see your Mum. You instead went and spent the entire afternoon with _my _girlfriend and continued to lie to us. Why lie about how much time you spent with her unless you meant something by it? You weren't going to let us read that letter for a reason. "

"First of all, James, I lied because I knew you would act like this. You _always_ act like this when I just want to be alone. Second of all, she is not your girlfriend and you are way too over-possessive of people. Third of all, I didn't want you to read that letter because I knew you would overreact and wouldn't let me explain! This is all a huge misunderstanding." Remus exclaimed, colour starting to rise in his face.

"You lied." James said, his jaw tensing.

"I'm sorry, James! I didn't mean to make you angry! I didn't know it would matter this much." Remus said, clenching his fists.

"All I ask is loyalty. I invite you here to stay at my house. I include you in our plans to rescue Sirius. And this is how you repay me? With lying?" James asked.

"I lied because I heard you two talking about me this morning!" Remus yelled, his fists clenched so tightly he could feel his fingernails digging into his palms. He could feel all the anger and all the tension that had been building up inside him over the past couple days explode inside him. "I lied because I wanted to be away from you ungrateful bastards!"

Remus turned on his heel to face Sirius. "I patched you up and looked after you for the past couple days and you go off and complain to James about how I'm babying you and you don't need it?"

Sirius shrunk slightly on his bed.

"And you want to argue loyalty when all you do is jump from one girl to the next? Can't you be happy that someone has shown interest in me, however wrongly-founded it is?" Remus yelled.

James swallowed hard and backed down slightly.

"You two don't have to worry. You're big boys now that clearly don't need me meddling in your affairs anymore!" Remus said, wrenching the door open and slamming it so hard as he stormed out into the hallway the windows rang.


	5. Chapter Five

_**~ SIRIUS ~**_

* * *

><p>"I think we both made a bit of a mess of things." Sirius said quietly, the echo of Remus' words still ringing in his ears.<p>

"No kidding." James said, sinking down onto his bed.

Sirius had never seen Remus angry like that before in his life. Sure, Remus may have been upset when he had accidentally poured ink all over his favourite copy of _Magical Creatures and Where to Find Them_, and he may have been annoyed when he had received an abysmally low mark on his runes exam last year, but Sirius had never seen him so beside himself before. Sirius always knew that it was the quiet ones that held the most in and therefore got the most angry, but he had never truly been prepared for this.

Besides the shock of seeing Remus so upset, Sirius was feeling absolutely disgusted with himself that Remus had overheard his conversation with James that morning. While he desperately wanted to blame James entirely for this situation, he knew he was just as at fault. He knew that Remus had done _nothing_ to deserve what he had said about him this morning.

"I feel like shit." James said, staring at the floor.

"He was right. About everything." Sirius said quietly. "I can't believe I complained about him taking an interest in my well-being."

"I tried to explain it to you earlier..." James said, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh no, no no." Sirius said quickly, shaking his head. "You don't get to get all self-righteous about this. You're the one who completely flipped out over absolutely nothing."

James rolled his eyes. "So what is he even going to do now? Sleep on the couch?"

"Probably." Sirius said, playing with the fraying hole in his jeans.

"Should... Should we go talk to him?" James asked tentatively.

"No." Sirius replied quickly. "I don't think that's a good idea just yet. Give it an hour or so. He'll come back."

James groaned loudly and fell backwards onto the bed. "It's going to be so awkward now."

Sirius didn't reply. He had never felt so guilty before and he had been in some pretty sticky situations in his life. The two boys sat in silence for several minutes before Sirius got to his feet. He couldn't stand sitting there like that, wallowing in guilt. He needed to find Remus. Without James.

"Where are you going?" James asked, looking up.

"Gonna have a fag." Sirius said simply, getting to his feet and fishing around in one of his bags.

"Sirius – "

"Don't give me shit about it." Sirius said quickly, grabbing the box of cigarettes and stuffing it into his back pocket. "I'll be back in fifteen, okay?"

"Fifteen minutes?! How many cigarettes are you going to have?" James asked more to himself than to Sirius.

Sirius rolled his eyes and tossed his leather jacket over one shoulder. He left the room, crossing the top floor as quietly as possible.

The house was dark and as quiet as a magical household could ever get. Sirius could hear the house elves talking to each other from the lower floors as well as the muted crackling of latent magic, but he couldn't hear anything that sounded like Remus. Sirius wasn't sure whether he found that fact comforting or disturbing.

Sirius crept down the stairs, careful not to make any noise as he passed Mr. and Mrs Potter's bedroom on the third floor. The closer he got to the main floor, the harder his heart beat became. Remus hadn't been on any of the floors he had passed so far and he was getting more and more worried that he had actually left. Remus wasn't much on a broomstick but he could certainly have flown away without too much trouble on a clear night like tonight.

The sound of his footsteps echoed emptily along the main hallway as he walked towards the kitchen. This house was at least 200 years old and the floorboards creaked excessively loudly, causing Sirius to wince with every step. It was absolutely impossible to be stealthy in a house like this.

"Remus?" Sirius called out quietly.

No reply.

Sirius turned the corner and stepped into the kitchen. The window over the sink was throwing the soft glow of moonlight across the marble countertops and through it, he could see Remus sitting on the picnic table on the back porch. Sirius was about to cross the kitchen to the back door, but something stopped him.

Remus was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest, his shaggy hair rustled slightly by the wind. The moon was high and cast the same soft glow across the top of his head and shoulders. It was so ironic that the moon could create something so beautiful out of Remus when it usually brought out the worst.

It wasn't until Remus turned to look back at the house that Sirius realized his breath had caught in his throat. He blinked hard a few times before darting back around the corner, out of sight. He stood around the corner for a minute or so, breathing slowly.

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked up as he heard James' voice echoing softly down the stairs.

"What?" Sirius hissed, creeping across the creaky floorboards to the stairs.

"What are you doing down there?" James asked from the third floor.

Sirius peered up at James. "Nothing."

"Well?" James asked, eyebrows raised. "Are you done smoking or what?"

"No." Sirius said, his heart beating more quickly now that he knew he would have to go outside and speak with Remus instead of hiding from him. "I... Remus is out there."

"Hurry up, will you? It's almost 1:00 and I'm bloody tired." James said with a yawn.

Sirius nodded, took a deep breath, and tiptoed back across the kitchen floor to the patio doors. He could see Remus just as he had before, but the moon had gone behind a cloud and the moment had gone. Counting down slowly from five, Sirius opened the door and stepped outside.

Remus gave no indication whether he had heard him or not, and continued to stare off across the back gardens.

"Hey, Moony." Sirius chuckled, sticking his hands in his pockets and walking casually towards his friend.

Remus gave no reply, but slumped his head further onto his knees.

"Can I sit here?" Sirius asked, pointing to the table.

Once again, no reply.

"Thanks." Sirius said, pulling himself up onto the table and crossing his legs. He pulled the box of cigarettes out of the back pocket of his jeans and slid one out. He tapped it several times on his knee before putting it in his mouth.

He knew Remus hated it when he smoked and he couldn't deny feeling slightly smug when Remus finally turned to look at him, eyes narrowed.

"Want one?" Sirius asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, alright." Remus replied, to Sirius' shock.

Sirius paused for a moment, eyes narrowed, before passing Remus the box.

Remus pulled one out and put it in his mouth. "Light."

Sirius pulled his silver lighter from his pocket and leaned in towards Remus to light his cigarette for him. The night air was slightly chilled, and Sirius could feel goosebumps raising on his arm as he held the flame up. Remus leaned forward slightly into the flame.

_What is he doing?_ Sirius asked himself as he watched Remus take a deep drag and then exhale slowly. He watched the smoke leave his lips and followed it as it dissipated overhead, grey spirals fading to black.

"Well?" Remus asked, eyebrows raised.

"Huh?" Sirius asked stupidly, not realizing Remus had said anything to him at all. In an attempt to regain his cool, he lit his own cigarette and leaned his head back.

"I asked what you wanted." Remus said, flicking the ash of the tip of his cigarette deftly.

"You're an old hand at that." Sirius said, ignoring the question. He raised one eyebrow and pointed at Remus' cigarette.

Remus didn't reply.

"You clever bastard." Sirius said, a smile starting to spread across his face in realization. "You're a secret smoker!"

A small smile flashed quickly across Remus' lips before he got it under control and replaced it again with his neutral expression. Remus shrugged. "Doesn't everyone smoke? It _is_ the 70's."

"You are actually cool!" Sirius laughed. "Remus Lupin is actually kind of cool!"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"I can't _believe_ you kept this a secret from us." Sirius grinned.

"Yeah, well, you lot don't have to know everything." Remus said. Sirius watched as Remus brought the cigarette to his lips again, took a deep breath and pulled.

"I do have to know everything about you." Sirius said quietly, watching as the smoke poured out in tendrils from between Remus' parted lips.

Remus looked over at him "Why?"

Sirius was at a sudden loss for words. "I have to know everything about everyone."

"Is that so." Remus said, his eyebrow arching.

Sirius smiled. "Yeah."

"Then you should know I'm awfully cold." Remus said with a smile.

"Want my jacket?" Sirius asked, realizing he had totally forgotten to put it on.

"Yeah, alright." Remus said, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Sirius held his cigarette between his lips as he passed Remus his coat. It was well-worn and smelled of cigarette smoke, but Sirius didn't think Remus would mind.

"This smells like a tavern." Remus said, sniffing at the coat as he slung it around his shoulders.

"It smells like true class." Sirius said with a grin. He leaned his head back and made a sorry attempt at a smoke ring.

Sirius looked over at Remus and watched as he blew a perfectly round smoke ring.

"Are you serious." Sirius said, his jaw dropping. "How can you be cooler than me?"

"Always have been." Remus replied with a shrug.

"Teach me." Sirius said, tossing the butt of his cigarette onto the ground and pulling out another.

"Sirius, no." Remus sighed, watching as Sirius lit the cigarette between his lips.

"Come on." Sirius begged, leaning his head on Remus' shoulder.

"No!" Remus laughed, flicking the last bit of ash off the tip of his cigarette and twisting it against the edge of the table to put it out.

"Please?" Sirius asked, his eyes huge.

"It's easy." Remus said, reaching over and taking the cigarette from between Sirius' lips. He put it to his own, took a drag and let it out in a perfect smoky circle. "Just put your lips apart like this..."

Sirius smiled as he watched Remus try to explain how to blow smoke rings. He loved getting Remus to explain things to him. It was bordering on a hobby, actually, and he knew he had to stop but there was something so... innocent about the way he spoke when he was teaching. Remus had a certain tone he adopted and Sirius found he couldn't stop himself from smiling whenever he heard it. Sirius watched as Remus licked his lips, put the cigarette to them and blew out again.

"Try." Remus said.

Sirius brought the cigarette to his mouth and blew, taking his gaze away from Remus' lips.

"Like that?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, kind of." Remus shrugged. "You'll get it eventually."

"Probably." Sirius said as Remus reached over and took the cigarette from between Sirius' lips.

"You know I'm still mad at you?" Remus asked.

"Yeah." Sirius said. "You're smiling, though."

Remus rolled his eyes again.

"You know if you keep doing that your eyes are going to stay that way forever. And I don't know about you but I don't think the Ministry of Magic is going to hire a werewolf with googly eyes." Sirius grinned.

"I hate you." Remus laughed, nudging Sirius with his elbow.

"You love me." Sirius said, leaning in as Remus put the cigarette back into Sirius' mouth.

"I do." Remus said, watching as Sirius took a long drag.

"So are we smoking buddies from now on?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, I suppose so." Remus said, leaning in closer as Sirius placed the cigarette back between Remus' lips. "Don't tell James."

"I won't." Sirius smiled. He was suddenly hyper aware of Remus' shoulder pressed up against his.

"You want to go inside?" Sirius asked.

"I'm happy here." Remus said quietly, leaning in closer so that their bodies were pressed up against one another.

Sirius took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Remus, I really didn't mean what I said this morning about you. I'm just really not used to people taking care of me."

"Well, I've been looking after you for almost six years now, so you should be." Remus said touchily.

"I know." Sirius said quietly, realizing his pinky was touching Remus' slightly. "But I guess I just don't like being looked after."

"You've got too much pride, Sirius Black." Remus said, looking up. "You never let yourself be vulnerable. You'll never let yourself have what you really want. I'm the same way."

Sirius swallowed hard and, suddenly, he was caught by the striking blue grey of Remus' eyes.

"What do _you_ really want?" Sirius asked quietly. He could hear the sound of his heart in his ears.

Remus looked up and caught hold of Sirius' gaze. He sat up slightly so that he and Sirius were on eye level. Sirius could feel his heart pounding.

"Remus?" Sirius asked quietly.

Remus chewed his lip for a few seconds before opening his mouth to speak. "It's... It's nothing, Sirius. We don't have to talk about it now."

Sirius felt a flood of something rush through him that he wasn't sure was relief – or disappointment.

"Want to go inside?" Sirius asked, clearing his throat.

"Yeah." Remus said.

"Friends?" Sirius asked, smiling slightly.

"Friends." Remus said, scooting off the table.

Sirius let Remus keep the coat as they walked in through the house together. Sirius could still feel his heart beating madly against his ribcage and looking at the back of Remus' head made it worse.

His stomach had firmly tied itself up into knots by the time they had made it back up into James' bedroom. James was fast asleep, turned on his side and facing the wall. Remus' sleeping bag lay rolled up neatly against the bedside table and Remus quickly got down onto his knees to start to lay it out.

Sirius lay down on his bed, facing the wall away from Remus. He shut his eyes and tried not to think of the situation he had just found himself in.

* * *

><p><em>Remus smiled, walking backwards away from him. Remus raised his hand to wave, and he waved back in turn. He wasn't sure where they were... Maybe Hogwarts? Or was this Grimmauld Place? Or was it... where was he? He looked back up and saw Remus stepping closer and closer to the bannister over a flight of steep, winding stairs. Remus leaned over, and pointed to something below him. Remus leaned further and further until he was about to fall. He walked over to Remus, placed his hands against his back and pushed.<em>

Sirius sat straight up in bed, the sheets sticking to him. He was still wearing his clothes from earlier that day and he could hear James snoring softly from across the room. He was breathing hard and his long hair was sticking to the back of his neck uncomfortably. He let out a deep sigh and rubbed his face hard.

On the floor next to him, he heard the rustling of Remus' sleeping bag.

"Sirius?" Remus' sleepy voice drifted up to him from the floor.

"Go back to sleep, Remus." Sirius said, feeling the guilt from the dream still pressing down on him. _Why had he pushed Remus over?_

Remus sat up. In the dark, Sirius could barely see the wild outline of Remus' shaggy hair. Sirius felt the mattress depress next to him and then Remus' hand on his shoulder.

"Bad dream?" Remus asked, yawning.

"Yeah." Sirius said, feeling the heat from Remus' hand through his t-shirt.

"What happened in it?" Remus asked, swinging his legs into the bed and pushing Sirius over.

Sirius obliged, squirming to make room for Remus next to him.

"I pushed you down a flight of stairs." Sirius confessed, rubbing hard at his eyes.

"Interesting." Remus said, moving closer to Sirius.

"I can't see anything." Sirius said, looking around.

"Me neither." Remus said.

Sirius could feel Remus' hand on his shoulder and he had to admit he felt a bit better. He sighed.

"Do you want to stay up here tonight, Moony?" Sirius asked.

"Sure." Remus said. "But I get to be little spoon."

Sirius smiled, despite the awful feeling his dream had left him with. "Fine. Lie down."

Sirius lay down and felt Remus lie down in front of him. He pulled the blankets up over them both and curled up. He wrapped his arm around Remus and tucked his knees in behind him.

"I didn't mean literally." Remus said quietly as Sirius snuggled into the back of his neck.

"Oh." Sirius said, realizing it _was_ kind of an odd thing to do. "Still half asleep."

"You can stay like that. If you want." Remus said.

"Alright." Sirius said, closing his eyes and relaxing into Remus' back.

And next to him, in the dark, Remus smiled into his pillow.


	6. Chapter Six

_**~ REMUS ~**_

* * *

><p>Remus was awake long before he opened his eyes.<p>

James had left the window open the night before and the way the breeze washed over him paired with the lazily-draped arm around his waist made him never want to leave bed ever again.

Sirius was snoring softly next to him, his long black hair falling over his eyes. Remus wanted more than anything to reach over and draw the hair away from his face, but he felt it would be a mortal sin to move when he might never experience something so simply perfect again in his life. Sirius hadn't moved since he had pulled Remus in towards him as he fell back asleep after his nightmare. It had been very hard to sleep with the absolutely divine sensation of Sirius' stubble against the back of his shoulder but, somehow, Remus had never felt so well-rested in his life.

He knew that he would have to face the dilemmas of both James and Lily today and those were the last things he wanted to face on one of his last days of summer, especially when he was curled up in Sirius' drowsy embrace. He knew he should feel guilty for taking advantage of Sirius - who probably had only let him stay in his bed because he had been half-asleep when they had spoken last night - but he simply couldn't bring himself to get up.

"What time is it?" Sirius' groggy, sleep-filled voice asked from behind him.

Remus looked over his shoulder as Sirius withdrew his arm from around his waist to stretch. Remus's breath caught in his throat as Sirius stretched; he arched his back and, in doing so, pressed his hips up against Remus'. Remus knew Sirius was still half asleep and that now would be the best time to move in order to avoid awkwardness both from Sirius realizing he had cuddled him all night and James finding them together. It would also be a good time to move before Sirius realized that Remus had, however guiltily, very much enjoyed the sensation of his best friend's body pressed sinfully against his.

"A little after ten." Remus replied in a hushed voice. With a great surge of will power, Remus rolled away from Sirius and propped himself up on his elbows.

"Where are you going so quickly?" Sirius asked, rubbing at his eyes.

Remus was slightly taken aback. _Does Sirius want me to... stay?_

"Up, I guess." Remus said stupidly, watching as Sirius ruffled his hair. It was getting exceedingly long, passing his shoulders, and in an increasing state of unkemptness. With a smile, Remus realized just how well he would fit in with the muggle rock scene. Especially with the heavy scar forming on the side of his face he looked... dangerous.

"You should get a hair cut, you know." Remus said, smiling.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Bit rich coming from the human mop."

Sirius reached over and ruffled Remus' shaggy mouse-brown hair. Remus rolled his eyes, attempting to maintain his cool.

"And you need a shave." Sirius said, running his hand down along the edge of Remus' face.

Remus swallowed hard, as his heart started to race. He was about to open his mouth to say something before Sirius pulled his hand back and slapped his cheek.

"Ouch!" Remus exclaimed in surprise, snapped suddenly out of his fantasy by an act he should have seen coming a mile away.

Sirius grinned from ear to ear. "That's what you get for being all soft."

"I hate you." Remus said, rubbing the spot on his face where Sirius had hit him.

"Didn't we go over how you love me last night?" Sirius asked, still grinning as if he had just perpetrated the most hilarious prank to ever have been perpetrated.

"We did, and I'm about to recant." Remus said, a smile spreading across his face.

"What _are _you two doing over there?" James asked loudly from across the room, "You two always end up in bed together and then I wake up to very strange noises at ungodly hours of the morning. You two are separated until further notice!"

Remus couldn't decide whether he was proud or embarrassed and, for a split second, Sirius seemed to share the same sentiment.

"Never!" Sirius cried melodramatically, grabbing Remus tightly between his legs and arms.

Sirius was never one to linger in awkward moments.

"Will you get off?" Remus asked, trying to sound serious but failing.

"Not until James gives us his blessing!" Sirius cried again, tossing his head back dramatically.

"Fuck off or I will kill both of you. Azkaban sounds very inviting right now." James growled, pulling the covers up over his head.

Remus grinned despite having the life crushed out of him by Sirius who was significantly larger than him.

"He's no fun." Sirius said, pouting as he released Remus from the bear hug.

"Never has been." Remus laughed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and made to get up, but Sirius grabbed him lightly by the wrist.

"Sorry for making you sleep up here, Moony." Sirius said quietly.

"I wanted to." Remus said honestly, slightly taken aback by Sirius' forwardness in addressing their sleeping arrangement.

"Cool." Sirius said softly, smiling at Remus. After a moment or two, Sirius sat up and cleared his throat. "Well, you steal the covers so don't expect it to happen again."

"I won't." Remus said.

This was a side of Sirius he had never seen before.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Lily, <em>

_I would be happy to meet with you but I think James and Sirius will be coming along, as well, if you don't mind. _

_I will have to take a rain cheque on dinner and jazz, however, as lovely as it sounds. Mrs. Potter is very particular about dinner and as I am a guest in her home I wouldn't want to disappoint her by missing dinner. _

_Yours truly,_

_Remus._

Remus read the letter over for the hundredth time, his quill poised above the parchment. He had written several different versions in several different tones and he still wasn't entirely happy. He needed to let Lily down without rudely telling her he wasn't interested in her romantically.

"Why don't you invite her over for dinner?" Sirius asked, coming up behind Remus and reading over her shoulder.

Remus had been sitting in the Potters' library for the better part of the afternoon, away from where Sirius and James had been playing exploding snap in the living room. He was sitting in a large, red velvet armchair, nestled among the smell of old books and dust. There was still a definite tension between him and James and he felt that writing this letter would be the first step to repairing it. James wasn't as easy to make up with as Sirius was.

"That is the _last_ thing I want to do." Remus said, rubbing his chin with the feather end of his quill.

"Why? She's cute and James needs to relax and realize that she doesn't belong to him. I say good on you." Sirius said, leaning on the back of Remus' chair.

Remus closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm not interested in her, Sirius. She's pretty and intelligent and everything but she's just... not my type."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You have said that about every girl who has ever shown interest in you, Remus Lupin."

Remus stayed silent and looked down at his parchment.

"One day you're going to realize that you're going to be sad and alone for the rest of your life if you don't lower your standards." Sirius said with a joking tone.

"Aren't you playing cards with James?" Remus asked, watching Sirius sit down in the armchair across from him.

"Yeah, I won." Sirius said, draping his legs lazily over the arm rest. "And don't change the subject. Invite Lily over here for dinner."

"No, Sirius!" Remus sighed, leaning his head back. "That is the dumbest suggestion I've ever heard. First, she hates James. Second, James will hit on her the entire night. Third, I am not interested in her romantically and I don't want her to think I am."

"You are over-thinking this way too much." Sirius said, snatching the letter from Remus hands.

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed, pulling the quill out of Sirius' reach just as he reached over to grab it.

"Let me write the letter!" Sirius said. "Come on."

Remus narrowed his eyes.

"Please?" Sirius asked, pouting slightly.

Remus shook his head. "No. You're going to make this all so much worse."

"I won't." Sirius said, reaching his hand out for the quill. "If you don't like it, you don't have to send it."

Remus pursed his lips and gave in. "I'm holding you to your word, Black."

Sirius smiled and took the quill from Remus. He dipped the quill into the ink and hunched over the new piece of parchment he had produced.

Sirius sat scratching away at the parchment, his hair falling in front of his face. Remus had tried to lean forward to read what he was writing several times, but Sirius hunched down in response so far his nose was nearly hitting the letter. After several minutes, Sirius finally leaned forward and handed Remus the fresh letter.

After only a couple lines in, Remus flushed deep red.

"I am _not _sending this." Remus exclaimed, "I do _not_ want to gaze fondly into her eyes!"

"It's poetic!" Sirius protested.

"And I _most certainly do not_ want to take her for drinks! We're sixteen, Sirius!" Remus said, exasperated.

"Never stopped you before." Sirius shrugged.

"You know, in the real world, there are these things called laws. I know you have a difficult time with that concept." Remus said, moving to tear up the letter.

"Don't!" Sirius yelled.

"I will! This is silly!" Remus exclaimed. "I really don't like her like that. I thinks she's really nice and everything but I want her to be with someone who can actually care about her."

"Is this about your furry little problem, Remus, because I swear to Merlin -"

"No!" Remus exclaimed, sliding down in his seat.

"Then what is it about?" Sirius asked, kicking Remus in the leg obnoxiously. "Because you know you shouldn't let that stand in the way of being happy."

"It's not that." Remus said.

_I can _not _be having this conversation with Sirius right now,_ Remus thought as he put his head in his hands.

"Why are you pushing this so hard?" Remus asked, looking up at Sirius.

"Because I want you to be happy." Sirius said, shrugging. "And you're afraid of letting people in, I think."

"I let you lot in." Remus said defensively.

"Yeah, only after we badgered you about where you went every month for two years straight." Sirius laughed.

"I just don't need anyone else." Remus said. "I have you three."

Sirius smiled. He got up out of his chair and crossed the small space between them. He sat on the edge of Remus' arm rest and prodded him in the shoulder.

"I should know better than to bug you about these things. I know you fancy yourself quite tragic." Sirius said as Remus looked up.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"You know we all have baggage, Moony." Sirius said, sliding his arm around Remus' shoulders. "It's where you ship it to that counts."

"That makes no sense." Remus laughed after contemplating his statement for a moment.

"It does to me." Sirius said. "Now come on, I want to show you something."

Remus stood behind Sirius as he dragged his finger along the spines of the books in the Potters' library. The golden glow of the afternoon sun was catching the specks of gold in Sirius' eyes and Remus found himself unable to look away. Sirius was playing with his hair in one hand while tracing the outline of the book titles with the other. Remus wanted to freeze this moment and live in it forever.

"Look at _this_." Sirius said finally, flipping through a glossy coffee table book he had pulled down from the muggle studies section of the Potters' library.

The book was muggle-made and was full of static black and white photographs of different muggle vehicles. Sirius had opened the book to a page of vintage motorcycles.

"How do you think I would look on this?" Sirius asked, pointing to a rather large one on the opposite page.

"I don't care what you would look like. You would probably kill yourself." Remus said. "Muggle motorists get into motorcycle crashes all the time."

"But..." Sirius said, stroking hand over the picture longingly.

Remus leaned in to read the caption. _Triumph Bonneville T120._

"You would have to learn to drive." Remus said, crouching down next to Sirius.

"I could do that." Sirius shrugged.

"You would look like a real rocker." Remus said, "Have you ever heard of Black Sabbath?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Sirius said, not tearing his eyes away from the motorcycle.

"I should show you sometime. I feel like you would relate to Ozzy Osbourne on some strange level." Remus said, smiling to himself.

"I trust you." Sirius said.

"When we go to London I'll take you to a record store." Remus said, trying to conceal his excitement about sharing this part of his life with Sirius.

"I've been to a record store. Remember you gave me the Led Zeppelin album?" Sirius said.

"Did you actually listen to it?"

"I did, but my dear father threw out my turntable when he heard it playing and I have no idea where to get another."

"I'll get you one."

"Feeling generous, are we?" Sirius laughed.

"I guess." Remus shrugged, as if he hadn't already begun planning their trip into London together.

"We'd better go soon. We only have a couple days left before we have to go back to school." Sirius said, finally tearing his eyes away from the Bonneville.

"That's a bit of an exaggeration. We've got about five days left." Remus said.

"Yeah, but think about it. We still have to go to Diagon Alley on Wednesday and then we have to be on the train on the fifth day. So we really only have three days left of freedom." Sirius said.

"I suppose." Remus said, realizing he had allowed Sirius to distract him from sending his letter. "I really should arrange that meeting with Lily."

"Yeah, you really should." Sirius said, an eyebrow raised.

"Stop it." Remus said, swatting playfully at Sirius.

"You go send your letter. I'll be here." Sirius said, turning back to his book.

Remus nodded. He moved back over to the armchair, grabbed the letter and left the library. As he walked up the stairs to the small tower where the Potters kept their owls, James came down the stairs towards him.

"Hey." James said lamely as they met halfway.

"Hey." Remus replied, scratching the back of his neck.

"Look, I - "

"Sorry about - "

They chuckled slightly as they began to talk at the same time.

"You first." Remus said politely, motioning to James.

"I just wanted to say sorry about acting like a mad man last night." James said.

"It's fine, mate." Remus shrugged.

"I really over-reacted." James said.

"That's an understatement." Remus replied.

"Yeah. I know. Anyways... I'm sorry." James said.

Remus frowned slightly. That was easier than he had expected it would be.

"It's cool." Remus replied.

"Are you going to send Evans a letter?" James asked, clearing his throat.

"Yeah. I'm cancelling the date – or, er, what she thinks is a date. It wasn't supposed to be. I mean, she wasn't supposed to think it was. I don't like her." Remus said, wincing slightly at his own awkwardness.

"Actually, yeah. I should talk to you about that. Can I come with you upstairs?" James asked. "And where's Sirius?"

"He's in the library looking at motorbikes. And yeah, you can come. It is your house." Remus laughed.

"Cool." James said, slinging his arm around Remus' shoulders.

Remus watched as the tawny-coloured barn owl carrying the letter to Lily flew away across the Potter estate until it had faded to a tiny speck on the horizon. The sun was starting to set already and the sky had become a lush pink and orange mixture that reminded Remus distinctly of September evenings at Hogwarts in the dormitory.

Remus turned to look at James who was stroking the head of a small snowy owl on a perch nearby.

"What's up?" Remus asked, leaning against the windowsill.

"So I've been wondering about this for a couple years now and I think my suspicions were confirmed when you said you weren't interested in Lily." James said.

"Okay..." Remus said slowly, not liking the direction in which this conversation was going.

"Look, mate. I want to know... Don't take this the wrong way!" James said, throwing his hands up in a demonstration of innocence.

"Just spit it out." Remus said, his stomach churning uncomfortably.

"Do you... Well, do you like blokes?" James asked, wincing slightly as he asked.

Remus closed his eyes slowly. How could he answer that question?

"Yeah, I suppose." Remus said, looking up at James.

"I knew it." James said, nodding vigorously. "I knew no heterosexual man could turn down the advances of Lily Evans."

Remus' mouth fell open. "That's what gave it away? Really?!"

"Well, no. I've suspected for a while. Maybe a year or so?" James shrugged. "I just wanted to know."

"That's it...?" Remus said with narrowed eyes.

"Yeah. Just about." James said, his smile growing mischievously. "I also want you to explain why you keep ending up in bed with Sirius."

Remus, in that instant, felt like flying out of the window with the owls and never returning.

"Wrong place at the wrong time?" Remus offered lamely.

"I think _not_. Do you know how awkward it was for me to wake up this morning to find you two spooning in bed this morning?" James asked with a laugh.

Remus very nearly turned to the window and jumped out.

"That's not what you think." Remus choked out.

"Ha!" James laughed. "You, Remus Lupin, are full of it. Even if Sirius doesn't remember, I was the one hiding under the covers trying not to intrude on your little moment of puppy love."

"Stop." Remus sighed, sinking to the floor in deep and utter embarrassment.

"You have the hots for Sirius Black." James said, with a grin. "I finally have you all figured out."

"Kill me, please." Remus moaned, rubbing his face with his hands.

"Look! This is all good! Sirius isn't exactly a ladies' man himself, if you haven't noticed." James shrugged.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Remus asked, exasperated. "Every girl in Gryffindor has tried to get with him."

"Yeah, and I think there were like, two successes about... two years ago?" James said. "You know that as well as I do. He just likes to have a reputation."

"He's not gay, James." Remus said. "I've been in love with him for about six years. You don't have to worry about it. I haven't ever had any hope so you don't have to try to make me feel better about it."

"What!" James exclaimed. "Six _years_?!"

"James, my life is a tragedy. I know." Remus sighed.

"I am confiscating all your books on theatre. You have become even more dramatic than Sirius." James sighed, rolling his eyes.

James sighed and squatted down in front of Remus.

"I'm not going to say anything about this, Remus." James said, his tone much more serious. He put his hand on Remus' knee. "Seriously, mate. I know how hard it can be for gay people. Especially in the wizarding world... People can be so closed-minded."

"Thanks for the sympathy." Remus chuckled.

"I just wanted to know. That way I can maybe stop Sirius from harassing you so much about getting a girlfriend?" James asked with a friendly smile.

"Yeah, that would be nice." Remus said, tapping James' hand with his own in a sign of friendship.

"You're an awfully odd person, Remus Lupin." James said, getting back to his feet. "Now, let's go find that sorry excuse for a mutt and go play some Quidditch."

Remus nodded and allowed James to steer him away from the owlery and from the window that, he had to admit, was starting to look less inviting knowing now that James was there for him.


	7. Chapter Seven

_Authors Note: I know I'm posting rather soon after having just posted the last chapter, but this is my favourite one so far. I was just so eager to share it with you all! Please let me know what you think? I love hearing from you!_

* * *

><p><em><strong>~ SIRIUS ~<strong>_

* * *

><p>"Get up, Pads!"<p>

Sirius groaned loudly has he was shaken vigorously by James.

"Come on, we're going to be late and Remus is going to kill us. We're supposed to be at Diagon Alley by noon and if we're not then the entire day will be ruined, apparently."

"What time is it?" Sirius asked, rubbing his eyes.

"It's 10:45. We slept in really late and Remus is losing it." James said, picking Sirius' jeans up off the floor and tossing them onto his head.

"Alright, alright!" Sirius groaned, tossing the jeans back onto the floor.

"I'm going to be downstairs. I'm going to try to distract him with a book. Or maybe my Mom can talk to him about the grindylow we have in the back pond...?" James trailed off, walking towards the door.

Sirius swung his legs over the side of the bed. _How is it Wednesday already?_

The last couple days had gone by without much incident. Afternoons had been spent either on the Quidditch pitch on the back fields or, as Remus had done the prior afternoon, curled up in the large windowseat in the Potters' library with Padfoot at his feet. The old house was becoming a safe haven from the ill tidings that had started to spread like an dark veil across the outside world. Sirius had tried to ignore the _Daily Prophet_ headlines but it was becoming increasingly difficult especially now that he was hearing his friends were beginning to reconsider returning to Hogwarts this coming semester.

Evenings, though, had become something Sirius looked forward to. James had set up the turntable Remus had brought with him and they had been cycling through some of the latest muggle bands' records. Remus had been surprised at just how excited James had been by Queen and how riveted Sirius had been by David Bowie. There was something about the erratic, frenzied music of Bowie that connected with Sirius on a psychological level. The absurdity of _Ziggy Stardust _truly moved Sirius – from the fascination with the flamboyant and glamourous fashion to the clamorous, almost cacophonous guitar riffs – and Remus had caught Sirius several times over the next couple days humming "Starman" under his breath.

Nights had become darker and colder, so during their nightly foray to the patio each night to smoke, Sirius had been bringing blankets out with him. They sat on the patio table staring up at the stars for anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour, chatting and sharing the last pack of cigarettes Sirius had brought with him from Grimmauld Place. Sirius enjoyed watching the particular way Remus played with the cigarette before putting it in his mouth. First, Remus tapped the butt against his knee, then the tip, then the butt again and then finally to his lips. Every time. Sirius watched quietly, but didn't say anything and every night they had moved closer together until finally they decided one blanket would be best and left the others indoors.

Last night he and Remus had stayed up well past 3:00 in the morning and Sirius was not happy about the state it had left his throat in. He had never smoked so much in one sitting in his entire life.

Stumbling from one foot to the next as he pulled on his jeans, Sirius caught sight of himself in the mirror. He hadn't shaved once since he had arrived and his stubble had begun to turn into a dark beard.

Remus had told him he looked like a vagabond and Sirius had taken it as a compliment. He ran a hand over his face, avoiding the jagged scar across his jaw, and left the room, swinging his leather jacket over his shoulder just in case he needed it.

He swung down the stairs and found James, Remus and Mr. Potter standing with their backs facing him in the hallway. When Remus turned to look over his shoulder, Sirius felt an uncontrollable urge to smile.

"It lives!" Remus exclaimed. "Morning, Sirius."

Sirius smiled from ear-to-ear, "'Morning, Remus."

When James elbowed him in the ribs expectantly, Sirius realized that James had said something to him.

"You're out of it this morning." James said, with an eyebrow raised as the three boys followed Mr. Potter out the door to the garage.

"Sorry, didn't sleep well." Sirius lied.

"Liar. I heard you snoring all night." James laughed. "You're just lazy."

"Maybe I - " Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, his jaw dropping.

The _car_.

"She's a beauty!" Mr. Potter said, fondly patting the cherry red car he had driven Remus into town with earlier that week. "She's, from what I understand, a 1959 Eldorado. Cadillac."

Sirius had never seen anything so beautiful in his life. Moving, as if in a daze, he traced his hand over the hood, watching the light catch against the paint.

"Has Jimmy not shown you the car?" Mr. Potter asked incredulously, adjusting his glasses.

"Dad, _please." _James groaned, tilting his head back.

"Sorry." Mr. Potter said, clearing his throat. "Has _James_ not shown you the car?"

"No, Jimmy certainly has _not _shown me the car." Sirius said breathlessly, turning to James slowly.

"I didn't think you cared that much about muggle stuff!" James shrugged.

"Merlin's beard." Remus sighed, opening the passenger door. "Can we go now, please?"

"This is the single most beautiful thing I've ever seen!" Sirius gasped.

"A man after my own heart." Mr. Potter chuckled. "Would you like to sit up front?"

Sirius looked as if he had never been offered a more marvellous thing in his life.

Remus rolled his eyes, but obligingly stepped aside as Sirius took his spot.

Sirius slid into the passenger's seat, eyes roving madly across the dash. He began asking Mr. Potter questions immediately and, much to James and Remus' chagrin, didn't stop for over an hour. After about twenty minutes on the road, Sirius had managed to convince Mr. Potter to let him drive on the way home.

By the time they had arrived in London, the clear skies had become heavily overcast and it was threatening to rain. Mr. Potter dropped them off at the Leaky Cauldron and Sirius watched with a deep sense of longing as the Cadillac drove out of sight.

"You are hopeless." Remus sighed, walking with James into the small, cramped wizarding pub.

The Leaky Cauldron was the same as it always was and the same as it probably always would be. The place smelled of fried onions, freshly draughted beer and spilled ink. The smell was pleasant and it brought back a flood of memories for Sirius almost instantly: making his way to Diagon Alley for the first time with his father and their - unfortunate- family friends the Malfoys; having lunch with his brother after buying his first racing broom three years ago; laughing with Remus about something long-forgotten over a frothing mug of butterbeer...

"Hey, Sirius, you alright?" Remus asked, prodding Sirius gently in the arm.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." Sirius chuckled. "This place just brings back memories."

Remus replied only with a smile. He tucked his arm through Sirius' and proceeded through to the back.

Diagon Alley was just as alive as it always was this time of the year. He recognized several people from school but they were all so busy they had barely stopped to say hello. Remus was poring over the letters they had received from Dumbledore and was already making a mental checklist of the most efficient way to get all their supplies. They were headed for Florean Fortescue's, Diagon Alley's most prized ice cream parlour. It was tucked out of the way from the shops and had a fairly wide outside patio where students sat to take a break from the stress of shopping.

It was there that they found Lily Evans and where things went wrong.

She was carrying an armload of books and placed them on the ground as they approached. Sirius couldn't deny that she looked absolutely beautiful in a red dress and a black blazer.

"Remus!" Lily grinned, walking forwards and throwing her arms around Remus' shoulders.

"Hi, Lily." Remus replied, awkwardly patting Lily on the back.

Sirius glanced over nervously at James who was furiously busying himself with the the box of flowers on the patio fence and looking anywhere but at Lily and Remus.

"James. Sirius." Lily said formally, nodding to each boy in turn. She turned back to Remus and smiled. "I thought you were coming by yourself."

Remus cocked his head slightly to the side, "No, I'm visiting with them and we thought it might be fun to all go together... I outlined it in the letter?"

Lily's fire red brows came together in confusion. "I thought we were going out for drinks together?"

Sirius' eyebrows shot up so far he was afraid they were about to fly off his head. He looked over at James again, who had apparently heard because he had crushed a daisy so hard it had exploded.

"Um." Remus said simply.

Sirius watched in dismay as the colour drained from Remus' face. Realization suddenly dawned on both of them - Remus had sent the wrong letter.

"Shall we go then?" Lily asked, prompting Remus to say something.

"I..." Remus looked as if he were desperately trying to string words together.

"Look, it's fine if you can't go, Remus." Lily said as an aside, turning slightly away from Sirius and James, "I know you weren't expecting _them _to come along."

"Well, I _do_ have to do my shopping with them, unfortunately. James really doesn't know what scales to buy and Sirius _really_ needs help picking out the right - "

"It's fine." Lily said, picking at a stray string on the elbow of her blazer.

Sirius wished desperately that he could become one with the pinstriped umbrella he was standing next to. The last thing he wanted to do was to watch Remus be embarrassed like this.

"Rain cheque?" Remus offered.

Lily smiled, though she looked very disappointed.

"See you on the train?" she offered.

"See you on the train." Remus replied, a little hoarsely.

Lily touched Remus' wrist, went on tip-toes and kissed Remus' cheek.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

Lily walked off, slinging her purse over her shoulder. Sirius noted that she was wearing a pair of black high heels and that she had probably dressed up just to see Remus. Sirius felt slightly guilty only because he knew _exactly _what he had written in that letter. And it wasn't exactly platonic. Suddenly, an idea struck him. He looked over at James and nodded in Lily's direction.

James narrowed his eyes.

Sirius nodded more strongly in Lily's direction.

James nodded, getting the message, and took off at a jog, following Lily through the crowd.

"Well, that was awkward." Sirius said, approaching Remus.

"Which part?" Remus asked, leaning against the patio fence. "Realizing that I'm now in a one-sided love affair with Lily Evans or the part where James is going to be treated like crap because of it?"

"I think it's going to work out, actually." Sirius said, watching as James caught up to Lily. She dumped the pile of books she was carrying into his arms and they walked off together into the crowd.

"What am I going to do about this?" Remus asked, looking up at Sirius with such a face of despair that Sirius had to laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" Remus asked in exasperation.

"You realize how ridiculous this situation is, right?" Sirius asked with a laugh. "This is so absurd."

"Maybe for you!" Remus exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"You're so dramatic." Sirius laughed, offering him his hand.

"I've been told." Remus sighed, taking Sirius' hand and standing up straight.

"We've got books to shop for and then I thought we could do something fun. Take your mind off this whole situation." Sirius said.

"I'm up for anything that will make me forget what just happened." Remus sighed.

The two lost themselves in the crowds, not having realized that they hadn't let go of the other's hand.

* * *

><p>"Can we leave all this at the Leaky Cauldron?" Sirius asked, weighed down by the pounds and pounds of books, scales, ingredients, robes and sundry.<p>

They had been shopping for the better part of an hour and hadn't seen James once since they had split ways at Florean Fortescue's.

"I can ask Tom. We'll see what he says. You have to tell me where we're going, though!" Remus said, staggering under the weight of the books he had in his arms.

They entered the Leaky Cauldron and when Tom, the friendly barman, looked up from his station he smiled.

"Any help there, boys?" Tom asked, stepping down from the bar to help lighten the load.

"We were wondering if we might leave our things with you here, Tom, while we go into London?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked over at him with his eyebrows raised. "Into London?! Awfully brave of you."

"Not a problem, not a problem. Butterbeer when you boys get back, then, eh?" Tom asked with a smile, leading them down the hall to a small closet where they could store their things.

"Absolutely." Sirius smiled, handing over his school supplies along with Remus'. Honestly, he had no idea if they would have enough time for a drink afterwards.

Having been relieved of their burden, Sirius shrugged on his leather jacket and stepped out into the foggy London afternoon.

"Alright, Remus." Sirius said, clapping his hands together and looking around. "You're taking me to a record store."

Sirius watched with delight as Remus' face lit up.

* * *

><p>Sirius had been absolutely fascinated in particular by the underground, but also by the buses and the cars. Remus had had to drag Sirius forcibly away from a motorcycle he had found outside a tavern downtown and had also had to tell him numerous times to be quiet when he had asked about parking meters, letterboxes and streetlamps.<p>

The record store was tucked neatly between a dress shop and an Italian restaurant. Sirius stood outside marvelling at the neon signs for several moments before Remus had pulled him through the door. The store was small inside, but was full to bursting with records, posters with people that didn't move, band t-shirts and other interesting knick-knacks. Remus moved immediately to the new release section and let Sirius wander.

Sirius understood immediately why Remus enjoyed this place. It smelled like old books in here, but with an added layer of tobacco and plastic. It was a library for music and Sirius found the notion quite romantic. He found himself wishing that the wizarding world had more places like these.

Remus walked over to Sirius carrying "Physical Graffiti" by Led Zeppelin, "Made in the Shade" by the Rolling Stones and "Young Americans" by David Bowie which Sirius grabbed eagerly.

"I also got you this..." Remus said, handing over "Sabotage" by Black Sabbath.

"Interesting." Sirius said, flipping the record over. "Gotta get me a pair of these boots."

Sirius pointed to the man on the far right.

"I told you would connect with Ozzy Osbourne." Remus chuckled. "Anyways, I'm actually excited about that one because it's pretty new."

"Excellent." Sirius said, tucking it under his arm.

As the rain started to pour, Sirius and Remus looked through every record in the bins from A to Z to the sound of Motörhead on the radio and the rainstorm outside. Because Sirius had no idea what he would be interested in listening to, he had relied mostly on suggestions from Remus and from what the covers looked like. The light in the store was dim and the air was heavy with the cigarette smoke from the cashier and the other customers. In order to read the titles, they had had to lean in closely together, their heads huddled together over the bins. Together, they had produced a stack of over 25 different records, three t-shirts and two posters ("I'm going to hang this right over Peter's bed," Sirius had said, holding up a particularly terrifying poster of Alice Cooper with a snake wrapped around his neck).

After about an hour of conference, they were ready to go. Sirius, however, had been eyeing the back wall of the store for a little while now. After they had finally made it to the 'Z' bin, Sirius picked up his records and walked to the back of the store.

"There's nothing back here Sirius except for..." Remus said, trailing off.

"I need these explained to me because something deep inside me tells me that these are _not _for flowers." Sirius said, crossing his arms and nodding at the rainbow-coloured, vase-shaped glass vessels hidden from view on shelves at the back of the store.

Remus burst out laughing.

"What!" Sirius exclaimed.

"They're for..." Remus leaned into Sirius conspiratorially, trying to stop laughing. "They're for weed."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I know you did not tell me what I think you told me. I _know _these are not for plants."

Remus was laughing so hard at this point that people in the store had turned to look at him.

"Okay, forget I said anything." Sirius hissed, swatting at his friend's arm to make him be quiet.

"No! It's okay..." Remus said, straightening up and wiping a tear from his eye. "They're for weed. Weed with a capital 'W'. Marijuana? Drugs?"

A look of understanding dawned across Sirius' face. "Ah yes, these fabled muggle drugs."

"Keep your voice down." Remus said, still laughing.

"Bit rich coming from this!" Sirius said, motioning to Remus who was bent over in hysterics.

"I'm sorry, it's just that..." Remus tried to choke out, "You look so tough with your... with your beard and your hair... and your leather jacket... And you don't know... what a bong is."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Get yourself together, man!"

Sirius glanced around the store and smiled awkwardly to those who were staring.

"If I buy one will you shut up?" Sirius asked.

This only made Remus laugh harder.

Sirius glanced quickly across the shelves and chose a bright blue, bulbous vase and tucked it securely in the crook of his arm. It took a couple seconds but Remus pulled himself together, tears streaming down his face.

"You've thoroughly embarrassed me." Sirius said, a smile playing at his lips as he approached the counter.

The cashier looked so annoyed with the both of them that Sirius got away with buying the blue vase without having to produce proof of age. Sirius forked over what he thought was an exorbitant sum of muggle money, but he couldn't be sure – muggle notes were so much smaller than galleons. The blue vase had been wrapped up in newspaper and tucked away into its own black bag and handed over. Together, Sirius and Remus walked out into the rain with their hands full of new music.

* * *

><p>"Where <em>have <em>you two been?" James asked as Sirius and Remus ran towards the Leaky Cauldron a little after 4:30 in the afternoon. "Tom made me carry all your stuff!"

"Record shopping." Sirius said rather unapologetically, shaking his soaking wet hair from his eyes.

"We got a little caught up." Remus supplied, nodding to Mr. Potter as he blinked through the rain droplets.

"Nothing wrong with being a little late to the party, boys." Mr. Potter said amicably as he opened the driver's door for Sirius.

"Oh, it's okay, sir," Sirius said with a smile, "I'd rather sit in the back with Remus. We bought a bunch of new music I'm dying to ask him about."

Remus smiled.

* * *

><p>"What I am about to show you almost killed Remus." Sirius said ominously.<p>

"Let's see it, then!" James said excitedly, leaning forwards.

"Now, it won't be as simple as that." Sirius said, holding the newspaper-wrapped object behind his back. "This is extremely important news."

After a long hot shower, Sirius was sitting cross legged on the floor in James' room, the records and school supplies splayed out around him. He had the black bag in his lap and was busy attempting to unwrap the blue vase he had bought earlier.

"Just spit it out, Black." Remus said, nudging him in the arm.

Remus was sitting across from Sirius with a smile on his face.

"Ta da!" Sirius said, letting the final piece of newspaper fall away from the blue vase in his hands.

"It's..." James raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"A bong." Remus said. "You smoke muggle drugs from it."

"Wicked!" James grinned.

"Right?" Sirius laughed, setting it down in front of him as if it were some kind of holy artifact.

"Got any drugs?" James asked Remus expectantly.

"Who do you think I am?" Remus rolled his eyes. "Of course I do."

Sirius and James both narrowed their eyes in such a look of identical suspicion and mistrust that Remus had to laugh.

"Poets, weed and music go way back." Remus shrugged.

Sirius and James turned to each other in shock.

"First I find out you smoke, then I find out you've been doing muggle drugs without us?!" Sirius asked in mock offense.

"You _smoke?!" _James asked. "Since when did Remus Lupin get cool?"

"That's what I said!" Sirius exclaimed.

Remus got to his feet and walked over to his suitcase, ignoring the banter coming from James and Sirius at his expense. Remus had been smoking weed for many years and he had decided that this was the summer he would share it with his friends. He was glad that Peter wasn't here to share in the festivities, however. Peter was far too nervous. The fact that this was also the second last night before sixth year seemed somehow right, as well. Remus produced from his suitcase a small aluminium tin and sat back down in front of James and Sirius.

* * *

><p>"How do you feel about Black Sabbath?" Remus asked.<p>

James, Sirius and Remus were lying together in a row on the floor in a pile of pillows and blankets. Sirius and Remus were lying next to one another, their heads together. They had finally come to the end of "Sabotage" and Remus turned to look at James and at Sirius.

"Loud." James said simply, squinting up at the rafters in the cieling.

"It was like..." Sirius began, "It was like waking up for the first time ever. Like being born, you know?"

Remus laughed. Sirius laughed, too.

"It was like, so heavy and I've never heard anything like it before." Sirius said, grasping at the words that were just out of reach.

"You liked it." Remus smiled.

"I did." Sirius said. He could feel the warmth of Remus' arm through his shirt and under the blankets he almost felt like falling asleep.

"Good thing you bought the bong." Remus chuckled, inching closer to Sirius under the blanket.

"Good thing." Sirius repeated, closing his eyes and rolling his head from side to side for what felt like forever.

When Sirius opened his eyes again, James and Remus had both fallen fast asleep. James had turned onto his stomach and was snoring softly into his pillow. Remus had turned in towards Sirius and was nestled up against his side. Getting very slowly up onto his elbows, Sirius pushed Remus until he turned onto his other side towards James. He lowered himself back down, nestled his face into the back of Remus' hair and wrapped his body around Remus' in the same spooning position they had slept in the night before. Closing his eyes, he slid one hand up the front of Remus' shirt and the other under his neck.

"I had a really good day," Sirius murmured drowsily, inhaling the sweet, soft smell of Remus' hair.

"Me, too." Remus replied, barely coherent. "Your beard is itchy."

"Good." Sirius said, tucking himself in as close as possible to Remus and falling asleep.


	8. Chapter Eight

_Author's Note: This chapter was fun to write, that's for sure._

* * *

><p>Sirius leaned forward out of James' window, a lit cigarette in one hand and a bottle of butterbeer in the other. He could see James talking to Mr. Potter on the front lawn, holding out his broomstick for his father's inspection. Sirius watched the smoke trail off into the bright blue sky, drifting off towards the few fluffy white clouds dotting the horizon. With every puff he could feel a small tug at the corner of his mouth where his cut had almost completely healed. It didn't hurt anymore, but it was tight and it was a constant reminder of what he had left behind.<p>

The morning had gone by slowly and lazily, overshadowed by the fact that this was their last day here. The weight of the knowledge that their summer break was coming to an end hung heavily over the three friends and it had been with a sense of quiet gravity that they had packed their belongings after waking up. Several times Sirius had looked over his shoulder to find Remus sitting quietly on his trunk with his shirtsleeves rolled up staring out the window. There was something palpable about the spell of summer lifting and Sirius traced it in the look of serene longing in Remus' eyes as he stared out the window. The days now were short and the nights getting colder and Sirius found himself torn between staying here forever in the golden glow of summer and between the pull of the familiar comfort of Gryffindor tower. Sirius couldn't help but think that Remus was thinking the same thing.

These past few weeks they had been swept away in a cloud of cigarette smoke and in the sound of heavy guitars, in the smell of old books and in the taste of ice cold butterbeer... In the sense of complete and unbreakable friendship. All that really mattered was preserving this delicate, golden sense of refuge from the growing storm waiting for them just beyond the walls of the Potter estate. Somewhere deep inside, Sirius knew he would never be this carefree again and he was holding onto it with every fibre of his being. Youth was fleeting and innocence was even more so.

"All finished?" Sirius asked, glancing over his shoulder at Remus who was still perched next to his trunk, slowly flipping the pages of one of his new textbooks.

"Oh!" Remus muttered in surprise, as if he had totally forgotten Sirius was there. "Yeah, just about."

"Your things are still everywhere." Sirius said with a small smile, motioning to the piles of books and clothing surrounding his wooly-haired friend. "You're awfully distracted this morning."

"Yeah." Remus sighed, reaching up high above his head and stretching. Sirius watched the fabric of his shirt stretch over his body and wondered vaguely when Remus had actually managed to collect any kind of muscle. "I dunno. It's weird leaving."

"You're telling me." Sirius said, tapping his cigarette on the edge of the window before bringing it back to his lips. "It's our last year."

"The last summer." Remus sighed, twitching his head quickly from one side to the other sending out a disturbingly loud cracking noise that made Sirius' skin crawl.

"Blimey, Moony!" Sirius cringed. "How do you even _do _that?"

"Years of practice." Remus shrugged, tossing the textbook in his hands back into his trunk.

"Bloody disgusting." Sirius grimaced.

"Why don't you come over here and help me pack all this up?" Remus sighed, running his hands vigorously through his hair and then down over his face, causing his hair to stick out wildly from his head. "I keep getting distracted."

"Alright." Sirius said, taking a deep drag of his cigarette before tossing it out the window and turning back to the room.

Sirius walked over and sank down next to Remus on the floor, grabbing several articles of clothing.

"You smell." Remus grumbled, taking one whiff of Sirius and inching away. "Like the bottom of an ash tray mixed with maple syrup."

"How very dare you." Sirius exclaimed in mock-offense, his mouth hanging open. "I'll have you know I showered not even a month ago."

"Ha ha." Remus said dryly, picking up another book and setting it down delicately at the bottom of his trunk.

"What's wrong with you?" Sirius asked, nudging Remus in the shoulder.

Remus shrugged. "I'm just in a bad mood."

"Come on, doesn't this face cheer you up?" Sirius asked, pulling a wide, exaggerated grin.

Remus simply stared, one dusty-coloured eyebrow arched.

"Then there's only one thing that could remedy this situation." Sirius sighed, giving Remus a knowing look.

"Don't." Remus said, his eyes narrowing as he inched ever so slightly away from Sirius. "Whatever you're going to do don't – GET OFF OF ME, SIRIUS!"

Remus was knocked backwards on top of his enormous pile of jumpers by a particularly wild-haired black dog. Two great hairy paws pinned Remus to the ground while the dog proceeded to furiously lick Remus' face.

"Will you get off?" Remus exclaimed, throwing up his arms in front of his face to shield himself from the slobbery onslaught.

The dog barked in response and set to licking Remus' ears.

"Don't you – DON'T YOU DARE, SIRIUS BLACK, I SWEAR TO - " Remus yelped, before dissolving into fits of laughter as the beast began licking his neck.

"_What_ is going on in here?"

In a flash, the dog was replaced by an equally wild-haired teenager with his tongue still pressed incriminatingly against Remus' neck.

"This has _got to stop_, mates." James said, his arms crossed.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and a slow, mischievous smirk spread on his face. Never breaking eye contact with James, he slowly and sensuously dragged his tongue up from Remus' collarbone along his throat and up onto his jawline. Remus let out an audible gasp and James groaned.

"Are you jealous, James?" Sirius asked, his voice deliberately husky as he bit the rather stubbly skin of Remus' jawline.

"Not in one thousand years." James said, covering his eyes with both hands as he walked forwards into his room and towards his trunk, carrying his broomstick. "Not in one million years."

James thrust his broomstick against his trunk and whirled around on the ball of his foot as quickly as he could.

"I'll leave you two alone." James said, making a retching sound as he closed the door behind him.

As the door shut, Sirius propped himself up onto his elbows, looking down at Remus. Remus was still looking at the door and Sirius watched the pulse in Remus' throat for a moment. Remus turned his gaze back up to Sirius and as their eyes met, he was suddenly very aware of every part of his body touching Remus'. Remus was still breathing rather heavily and as close as their faces were, he could feel the heat of Remus' breath against his jaw. Slowly, a strand of Sirius' long black hair fell down into Remus' face

"You can get off of me now, Sirius." Remus said slowly, brushing the hair away from his face, his voice dark with a tone Sirius had never detected there before.

Sirius could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

"Right." Sirius nodded vigorously, sending more hair cascading into Remus' face. "Sorry..."

"Don't be - "

"COMING THROUGH." James burst in through the door, his eyes covered and his voice excessively loud. "FORGOT MY DRINK UP HERE."

Sirius shot about a mile into the air and off of Remus. Remus immediately propped himself up onto his elbows, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Come on, James, we were just having a laugh." Remus let out a rather forced laugh.

"I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY." James said again, his eyes still covered as he grabbed his butter beer, turned and left. "LUNCH IS IN TEN MINUTES."

Sirius grabbed his pack of cigarettes, muttered something about the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Remus lay on the ground, watching Sirius' legs disappear, wondering what the hell had just happened.

* * *

><p>Sirius sat on the edge of the bath tub, one leg bouncing up and down rapidly. Sweat trickled slowly down his back as he tried furiously to make sense of what had come over him back there. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to scream or whether he wanted to have a wank, and the feeling was more than a little disturbing. He had bit his fingernails nearly to the quick and had accidentally crushed the last of his cigarettes into uselessness.<p>

His thoughts were racing in circles round and round his head, turning him mad. They had just been joking around. He had just been trying to make James angry. That's it. That's all.

Then why had he stayed there, practically straddling Remus, letting his stupid hair fall into Remus' stupid face...

It was useless. He needed to go have a fly around the estate. He needed a cigarette. He needed a stiff drink.

He stood up and stared at himself in the mirror for a moment or two. He had managed to grow a rather impressive beard over the last few weeks and as good as he had thought it looked before, he suddenly hated the feeling. Hated the way it felt on his jaw. Hated the way it reminded him of his teeth against the stubble of Remus' neck...

_Oh, God._

* * *

><p>"You shaved!" James exclaimed through a mouthful of mashed potato as Sirius swung into his seat across from him at the kitchen table.<p>

"Yeah, it was time." Sirius said, running a hand absent-mindedly along his jawline. He reached over and grabbed the bowl of mashed potatoes and starting emptying its contents onto his plate.

"Hungry?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Famished." Sirius replied, grabbing the gravy boat and drenching his potatoes. Once sufficiently drowned, Sirius took his fork and began unceremoniously shovelling food into his mouth.

"Remus still hasn't finished packing." James sighed, watching slightly wide-eyed in a mix of horror and fascination as Sirius devoured nearly a pound of potatoes.

Sirius choked at the sound of Remus' name.

"Yeah, maybe calm down a little bit, mate." James said, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Sirius gave a tremendous cough and looked up. "Sorry. Hungry."

"I mean, it only took me, what? Twenty minutes? What the hell is taking him so long?" James asked.

"Dunno." Sirius shrugged.

"It _is _getting close to that time of the month." James sighed. "You know how he gets. All moody and distracted"

Sirius nodded.

"You know what, I bet he gets all horny, too." James said, absent-mindedly waving a chicken leg in mid-air. "All those wolf hormones just jacking him all up – hey, where are you going?"

"Out." Sirius said, standing abruptly up from the table with his plate and walking quickly to the back door.

_Oh, God._

* * *

><p>Sliding the ebony bench out from under the piano, Remus swung his legs over and sat down. As if from muscle memory, his feet found the pedals and his hands found middle C. Experimentally, he depressed one of the keys and was instantly rewarded by the golden, dulcet tones that only a real Steinway could produce. No matter wizarding opinion, there was something to be said for muggle craftsmanship.<p>

Suddenly, he knew what to play. He dove straight into the first movement of "Spring" by Vivaldi. Remus' fingers chased the notes, moving in a rhythmic dance with the high energy of the composition.

This summer had definitely had its highs and lows, but at least they had all been blatantly clear and their reasons for being had been obvious. It had been a high when he and Sirius had gone record shopping. A low when he had to reject a Lily. But what had happened upstairs? He had no way of knowing what was going through Sirius' mind.

Seemlessly he followed "Spring" with "Summer" and then with "Autumn", allowing himself to be totally lost in the music. Remus followed it with "Winter" and leaned heavily into the darkening notes, feeling that sullen, despondent feeling he had had earlier creeping over him.

He couldn't help but feel like an absolute idiot for keeping these feelings alive for Sirius for so many years. What had happened upstairs, what could have happened, was something that kept replaying in his mind over and over like a broken record. Had Sirius only been joking? Why did he keep doing this to himself?

He absolutely could not deny that he had enjoyed it. He felt horrible and wrong for it, but he had enjoyed every moment of Sirius pressed down on top of him. Of Sirius' mouth on his neck and on his face. Sirius' particular smell of old smoke and earth and...

Remus shook his head. He needed to play something harder.

"Sonata Pathetique" by Beethoven flowed naturally after, and he swayed back and forth with the notes, trying to forget where he was as he moved. Forget the way he had woken up to Sirius' hands against his bare skin. The way Sirius' leg had pushed through his own in the night so that when he woke he found his thigh pressed firmly up against...

This time of the month was getting to be increasingly difficult to deal with. Remus rested his hands down on the keys in a cacaphony of noise and shut his eyes. Getting anything done at this time of the month with Sirius around was hard enough without cycling through what had just happened over and over and over again. His body would not obey him.

He took several deep breaths, shoving all thoughts of Sirius' tongue out of his mind and starting "Fantasie in C" by Schumann. The intricate fingering it required was enough to finally send all thoughts out of his mind and let him cool off enough to finally be able to concentrate.

Remus was so absorbed in the piece that he didn't even notice anyone come into the room until he felt a light touch on the shoulder. Turning to look over his shoulder, his stomach instantly turned itself up in knots.

"Fancy a jaunt up to the roof, Mr. Piano Man?" Sirius asked, his face freshly shaven and wearing his regular half-smirk-half-smile as if nothing had ever happened.

Maybe nothing _had_ happened.

Remus nodded and let his feet carry him out of the library after Sirius.

* * *

><p>"You never play the piano for us." Sirius said, his legs dangling agonizingly over the edge of the roof.<p>

Remus tucked his legs in a little closer and reached into his pocket for another cigarette.

"Music isn't really something I can do at school." Remus shrugged, feeling oddly light-headed as he watched Sirius' hair whip around in the wind.

"Why not?" Sirius asked. "You can do everything else there, why not the piano?"

"Have you ever seen a piano at Hogwarts?" Remus laughed.

Sirius thought for a moment. "No, come to think of it."

"Well, if you find one, I'll play it for you." Remus replied, struggling to get a light in the wind.

"I'd like that." Sirius said, leaning in close to Remus to light his cigarette for him.

"I'd like that, too." Remus said with a smile.

"Then it's settled." Sirius said. "I'll find you a piano. You play for me."

"Only if you sing along, Padfoot." Remus smiled.

"I'm not sure you'd want that, Moony." Sirius laughed, tucking his lighter away into the pocket of his jacket.

"I would." Remus said, taking a drag.

Sirius leaned his head against Remus' shoulder and they watched the waxing moon rise slowly over the treeline.

* * *

><p>"A toast!" James exclaimed, raising a brimming glass of a questionable brown liquid into the air and sloshing some out the side and onto the ground. "To... summer and to being forever young!"<p>

"To summer!" Sirius grinned, clinking his glass against James'.

"To being forever young." Remus smiled, touching his glass to James'.

"Cheers!" they all said before each downing their glass. Remus had lost track of how much Sirius and James had had to drink, and honestly, he had lost track of his own, too.

"Ugh!" Remus grimaced, looking down at his glass with his lip curled. "What is this?"

"Haven't the foggiest." James smiled, his eyes heavy-lidded. "Found it in the back of the liquor cabinet."

"This has to be pure alcohol." Remus said, his eyes watering.

"That would explain a few things." James said, his words slurring together.

"We would be dead if we drank that, Moonshine." Sirius hiccoughed. "Hey. Moonshine. Like Moony. But... Alcohol."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Look at that little eyebrow all quirked up." Sirius cooed. "So adorable."

"Hey, Remus." James said, rocking dangerously on the spot. "How horny do you get at this time of the month? I'm betting _a lot _horny."

Remus and Sirius both choked on their drinks.

"Hey! Just askin'." James said, throwing his hands up into the air.

"I would say fairly." Remus shrugged. "It's kinda hard not to."

Sirius spluttered, coughing hard into his elbow.

"Oh, look, you've gone and excited him." James said, motioning to Sirius. "You know how he is."

"Sorry, Sirius." Remus patted Sirius on the back. "I know you're delicate."

"I am not delicate." Sirius coughed. "I am exceptionally metal all the time."

"Except for when you're not which is always." James snorted. "Plus, you owe me five galleons I told you he's a total horndog. Probably had a wank about ten thousand times already to - "

"Whoooa, alright, it's time for you to go to bed!" Remus exclaimed, getting slowly and carefully to his feet.

"I thought Sirius wanted to know." James shrugged, allowing Remus to guide him off to his bed. "I can see it in his eyes. Plus he got all hot and bothered when I asked him about you at lunch."

"I bloody well did not." Sirius cried out, downing the rest of his glass of whatever-it-was.

Remus raised an eyebrow and deposited James on his bed before turning around and walking over to Sirius.

"Need some help?" Remus asked, watching as Sirius attempted to drag himself up to a standing position using the bedframe.

"No, not especially." Sirius said, flinging himself bodily onto the bed.

"You gonna survive?" Remus asked, watching as Sirius struggled to pull his lower half up onto the bed.

"Maybe." came Sirius' muffled reply.

Remus sighed and grabbed Sirius by the ankles, hoisting him up onto the bed.

"You know I did enjoy licking you earlier." Sirius said, his voice almost totally muffled by the pillow. "I mean, as a dog. To, make you laugh. But like, also, to make James uncomfortable. And like, you smell good. And stuff."

Remus could feel his face burning and that paired with the swimming in his head was rather uncomfortable. "And stuff?"

"And stuff." Sirius shrugged, rolling over onto his side and attempting to strip off his shirt.

"Want help?" Remus asked, reaching over and grabbing the shirt by the neck.

"Yes, please." Sirius slurred.

"You think I sleep, but I don't." James' words of protest came from across the room.

"Oh, Moonshine." Sirius grinned turning out the light and grabbing Remus suddenly and knocking him off his feet. "I love it when you pull my shirt off."

"You were much more convincing earlier." James replied before letting out an absolutely thunderous belch.

Remus let out a groan as Sirius' knee caught him in the stomach.

"Now that noise I'm not so sure about..." James muttered.

"Merlin's beard." Remus gasped.

"Are you okay, Moonpie?" Sirius asked, dragging Remus up by the arm.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Remus muttered, staggering slightly as his head span.

"Here." Sirius said, before doing what Remus only assumed was try to help him take his shirt off.

"Is that necessary?" Remus protested as Sirius pulled off his t-shirt and let it fall.

"Apparently we need to be more convincing." Sirius said, his words almost indecipherable as he attempted to wriggle his way out of his pants.

"He's asleep." Remus muttered, putting one hand on the side of Sirius' head to brace himself as the room span at an alarming rate. "We don't have to convince him of anything. The joke might be getting old."

There was a small silence in which Remus tried desperately not to look at Sirius in his underwear. Normally he had much more self control.

"Maybe it's not a joke." Sirius said, reaching out in the dark for Remus and finding his arm.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, unsure whether his words came out coherently or not.

"Come here." Sirius whispered. "Let me show you."

Remus could hear his heart hammering against his rib cage. Somewhere inside him a voice told him to stop, but something else took over and he allowed himself to be pulled down and into Sirius' arms.


	9. Chapter Nine

_Author's Note: Obviously Bohemian Rhapsody does not belong to me, but I hope you enjoy what I've done with it. This is a super long chapter and I'm super excited that they're finally back at Hogwarts. All your reviews have been so, so welcomed and appreciated. I love getting critiques, comments and constructive criticism – it all helps me to stay motivated and to provide you all with more writing. Without further ado..._

* * *

><p>"Sirius..." Remus whispered as Sirius pulled him down onto the bed next to him.<p>

"Don't say anything." Sirius replied, his hands trailing up into Remus' tawny brown curls.

"Sirius." Remus said a little more firmly, their noses barely touching as Remus lay his head down on Sirius' pillow.

"Hey, are you okay?" Sirius slurred, watching as Remus' eyes slid out of focus.

A wave of dizziness came over him, and the room spun hard. Distantly, Remus heard Sirius' voice, but he couldn't concentrate on it. He felt cold hands against his face and then he twisted violently to lean over the side of the bed. The room was spinning hard and he felt like...

"Remus! I thought you could hold your liquor better than that, holy shit."

* * *

><p>"James Potter, if I catch you trying to steal from our liquor cabinet again I will personally write to the school and have you removed from the Quidditch team at once!"<p>

Sirius was trying his best not to laugh after Dorea had stopped James just as they were about to leave. She whipped him around, unzipped his rucksack and pulled out a large bottle of vodka.

"How did you know that was there?" James groaned, throwing back his head in despair.

"A mother knows." Dorea said simply, tucking the offending bottle under her arm and giving James her most stern look.

"A mother _always_ knows." James muttered bitterly, attempting to turn around to leave. He was caught by the wrist by his mother who spun him around and gave him a large kiss on the cheek.

"Don't expect to leave so quickly without a goodbye." Dorea chastised, leaving a bright pink mark on James' face where she had kissed him.

Sirius burst out laughing.

"You're not safe, either." Dorea smiled, pulling Sirius towards her and kissing the top of his head. "I'll see you two at Christmas. Oh, and Remus dear, you are more than welcome to come back for Christmas, as well."

Sirius wanted to groan and complain along with James, but he just couldn't wipe the smile from his face. He realized that, for once, he was looking forward to Christmas break.

"I would absolutely love to, Mrs. Potter, but I'm sure my family would be quite disappointed." Remus said politely, nodding slightly.

Dorea gave Remus an understanding look and drew him towards her in a hug, "We'll have to have your parents around for dinner this summer."

"They would like that very much." Remus smiled, blushing slightly as Dorea released him.

Remus looked especially haggard this morning. Sirius remembered the alcohol and then remembered scooping Remus up off the floor and into the bathroom where he could properly puke his guts out instead of all over James' floor. After last night's ordeal, he had come down this morning wearing an especially dark pair of sunglasses and walking with a measured, calculated gait as if one wrong step could set him off again into fits of vomitting.

"Don't worry, boys, no hugs and kisses from me," Charlus chuckled, opening the front door, "But I am afraid that the train will leave without you if we don't leave straight away."

"Right." James said, clearing his throat. "'Bye, Mum, you'll see Sirius and I in a couple months."

Dorea gave another round of heartfelt, teary hugs before finally letting them leave, trailing their trunks behind them. Sirius couldn't help but look back at the house as they left and wonder how the summer had faded away so quickly. The spell was broken. Winter was coming and there was nothing left for them to do but wait.

The first hour of the drive into London was spent in silence with Sirius in the front seat and James and Remus in the back. Remus was leaning back against the seat, one hand on his forehead, and James was staring out the window watching the rolling fields pass by. James had been unusually quiet this morning and it had been slightly unsettling for everyone. Sirius had caught James this morning sitting on the edge of his bed clutching a small teddy bear with a Wimbourne Wasps scarf when he thought everyone had already gone downstairs for breakfast. He made a small mental note to check in on his friend, but his mind this morning was such a chaotic place he barely had room for it.

"Turn the radio on, Dad." James said, not taking his eyes off the window.

"I'm not sure if I fully comprehend the mechanics..." Charlus said, peering over his glasses at the dashboard.

"Hey, but keep your eyes on the road!" James yelped as the car took a dangerous swerve to the side.

"Ah, yes." Charlus smiled, looking back up at the road and pushing his glasses back up his nose.

Sirius was suddenly reminded very strongly of Dumbledore and he smiled.

"I'll do it." Remus said, his voice hoarse as he leaned forwards between the front seats to prod the large silver button on the dashboard.

Sirius jumped when the tail end of a drum solo came pouring out of the car's speakers. After all the time he spent listening to music with Remus, he still wasn't used to the suddenness of muggle radio. Sirius settled down and listened as the song came to an end. He was about to go back to staring out the window when he heard a familiar piano riff lilting softly from the radio.

"Is that Queen?" Sirius and James both piped up at the same time.

"Is this the real life?" Sirius sang softly, turning to look at James over his shoulder.

"Is this just fantasy? James replied, leaning forwards dramatically.

"Caught in a landslide -"

"No escape from reality..."

"Open your eyes," Sirius made small bursting motions with his hands.

"Look up to the sky and - " James turned to face the car's roof.

"Seeeeeeee!" Sirius and James crooned together, leaning in towards each other.

Remus removed his sunglasses and rolled his eyes.

"I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy." Sirius sang boldly.

"Because I'm easy come," James made an extremely vulgar motion with his hand. "Easy go."

Remus looked shocked.

"Little high?" Remus finally sang, bringing his forefinger and thumb together next to his mouth and pretending to smoke from it.

"Little low." James grinned.

"Any way the wind blows," Sirius and Remus sang together.

"Doesn't really matter to me..." James supplied.

"To me..." they finished.

Charlus bobbed his head along merrily and only jumped a bit when Sirius, Remus and James began violently headbanging and playing air guitar when the first of many guitar solos flooded the car.

If Sirius could have frozen that moment and lived in it forever, he would have.

* * *

><p>"Come on feel the noise!" Sirius yelled, craning his neck to look over his shoulder at James and Remus.<p>

"Girls rock your boys!" James yelled back, leaning out of the car window as they drew closer to the heart of London.

"Now, boys, I don't think that's appropriate..." Charlus said, but the protest fell on deaf ears.

"We'll get wild, wild wild!" Remus sang.

"Wild, wild wild!" Sirius yelled back.

"You think I've got an evil mind?" Sirius sang, crossing his eyes and leaning over the back of his seat to look at Remus, "Well, I'll tell you, honey!"

"I don't know why, I don't know – "

"Boys!" Charlus exclaimed in a way that was so uncharacteristically loud the boys fell immediately silent. "I have told you once and I will tell you again, this music is highly inappropriate and I will not have my son listening to it."

Sirius winked at Remus before pulling himself back around. He couldn't resist having the last laugh.

James groaned loudly, "Dad!"

"It's noise, James. Highly obnoxious." Charlus said, clearing his throat. "Besides, we've arrived."

Sirius felt slightly ashamed, but only for a moment as the large, central train station came into view. He could feel the excitement surging through his veins and it was all that he could do not to unbuckle his seatbelt and take off at a run for Platform 9 3/4. The cherry red Cadillac pulled up in the long queue outside the front doors and the boys barely waited for the car to come to a halt before leaping out. James was first to the boot and sprung it open. He hauled his trunk out and carried it over to the sidewalk and waited for his friends to follow.

"See you at Christmas, Dad!" James hollered, waving emphatically at Charlus.

"Don't you want me to come in with you?" Charlus asked, standing next to the car with his hat in his hands.

Sirius felt slightly bad for Charlus. He had gone into the train station every year with James to say goodbye to him since first year. The Potters had many family traditions and Sirius found it odd that he was sadder about them breaking than James was.

"No, Dad. I'll see you later, okay?" James said, ruffling his hair and then turning to walk with Sirius and Remus into the station.

Sirius was still humming to himself as he pushed through the crowds. James was following behind as Remus led them through the masses of people. Sirius knew that Remus had taken muggle trains from King's Cross before and probably knew his way around the building better than any wizard he knew.

They were almost at the platform when Sirius heard a familiar voice that sent icy cold shivers down his spine.

"Goodbye, Regulus."

Sirius didn't want to turn around, but some part of him forced him to. When he caught sight of the statuesque figure of his mother and the imposing figure of his father standing barely fifteen feet away, his mouth went instantly dry. How had he not thought of the fact that Regulus would be dropped off with his parents?

When Orion Black looked up from the smiling face of his younger son and caught Sirius' eye, white hot panic filled his body and froze him to the spot. Sirius wanted to turn and run but the power his father had over every aspect of his being held him fast.

"Let's go, Sirius."

Sirius swallowed hard.

"Let's go."

The sound of Remus' reassuring voice paired with the slender-fingered hand on his arm gave him the power to break the seemingly interminable glance he and his father were sharing. Sirius turned away and allowed Remus to guide him to and through the platform, a cold sweat on his brow.

Usually the sight of the shining, steaming scarlet train gave him a sense of excitement and wonder, but today when he saw the Hogwarts Express all he felt was guilt.

"Go get on the train, Sirius." Remus said kindly but with a firmness Sirius couldn't argue with. "I have to meet with the prefects but I'll be with you as soon as I can."

Sirius nodded and allowed Remus to take his trunk from him. He let his feet carry him onto the train and allowed them to move him without change in focus. He felt like a ghost manoeuvring through seas of familiar faces. About halfway down the ninth car, Sirius found an empty compartment. He slid inside and collapsed on the bench. The train still had a solid ten minutes before it was scheduled to leave and students were milling about on the platform talking to family, talking to friends and savouring their last few moments of freedom. His knee bounced rhythmically and he covered his mouth with his hands while looking out the window. As much as he didn't want to see his parents he found himself looking for them, his eyes scouring the crowds for anyone who looked like a Black. Regulus had been right behind him and Remus – where was he?

"Sirius?"

Sirius leapt about a mile into the air. He whipped around and saw the chunky silhouette of Peter Pettigrew peering in through the crack of the door. Peter immediately leaped back when he saw the look on Sirius' face.

"What?" Sirius snarled, his chest heaving in panic.

"Sorry!" Peter squeaked. "Mind if I come in?"

Sirius ran his hands vigorously over his face and then up into his hair. "Yeah, get in."

Peter looked around quickly before rushing in and closing the door behind him. He had grown taller, Sirius noticed, and it looked like he hadn't had a haircut in a year. His messy tawny-coloured hair fell in an unkempt shag around his round face and Sirius was struck suddenly by the mental image of a pig in a wig.

"Where're Remus and James?" Peter asked, sitting down on the bench across from Sirius.

"Oh, I dunno. James ran off when we got onto the platform and Remus is off doing prefect things."

"Of course he is. Can't be bothered to come see his friend Peter after two months apart?"

"Oh, right. How was your trip?" Sirius added. He had learned by now that Peter needed to be shown a lot more interest than either Remus or James.

Peter rolled his eyes. "Scotland is very wet and very cold. Let's just say that."

"Sounds amazing." Sirius said sarcastically, an eyebrow raised.

"Met a girl." Peter said, a small smile spreading across his face.

"Did you really?" Sirius asked, trying to feign interest as his gaze drifted once again out the window onto the platform.

"I'm not sure how much she really liked _me,_but I..."

Sirius eventually tuned Peter out as he looked down at the smiling faces outside. When he caught sight of his cousin, Andromeda, his stomach lurched. She was standing with a large barn owl on her arm and was laughing with a pretty Ravenclaw girl. As much as he wanted to hate every member of his family he had never been able to truly hate her. He realized that she would probably be forbidden now from speaking to him and the thought made him sink down deeper in his seat.

"You're not even listening, Sirius!" Peter exclaimed, crossing his arms.

"Sorry, Pete." Sirius sighed, turning to face Peter.

"Did you sleep last night?" Peter asked, leaning forwards to peer into Sirius' face.

"Not well." Sirius lied. "We got into the booze last night."

"I'm sure you did!" Peter groaned. "Do you know how bored I was in Scotland? Do you know how many bloody ruins I saw? I could have been drinking at James' house with you lot and instead I was freezing my bollocks off climbing up crumbling piles of castle-shaped rocks."

"Don't make me feel any worse than I already do." Sirius continued to lie. "We missed you."

Peter rolled his eyes, but blushed in that particular way he did when he was reminded that someone cared about him.

"Bet you got into trouble." Peter smiled.

"Not really, actually." Sirius shrugged, "James' dad scared the shit out of us, though. Great story, we all thought we were going to die."

"Alright, let's hear it, then." Peter grinned, pulling his legs up onto the bench and tucking himself into the corner.

A knock at the door made both Sirius and Peter look up.

"Are you telling the story about how my Dad very nearly made us all shit ourselves?" James said as he came into the compartment, shrugging on his black Hogwarts robes.

"Yeah, I was." Sirius said as James collapsed onto the bench next to Peter.

"Hey, Pete." James said, clapping Peter on the knee amicably. "How was Scotland?"

"Damp. Wet." Peter grimaced. "But I met a girl!"

Sirius let out a long, low breath and went back to staring out the window. The platform had emptied considerably and a quick glance up at the clock told him that the train would be leaving in one minute. With a quiet sigh of relief Sirius turned back to his two friends; nobody from his family was left standing outside. He was free. At least for now.

* * *

><p><em><strong>~REMUS~<strong>_

* * *

><p>It was only when he noticed that his jaw was aching that Remus realized how hard he had been clenching it. He cracked his knuckles and sat at the back of the prefect's car, staring out the window moodily, watching London speed by as they left the station. While he knew the Blacks hadn't been there specifically to antagonize Sirius, the look on Orion's face had told him they wouldn't mind now that they were there. Sirius had made so much progress over the past couple weeks and he was absolutely furious that Orion had quite possibly wrecked everything they had fixed. It was times like these where he thought Azkaban might not be such a bad fate if it meant Orion Black was dead.<p>

"Lupin? You've got cars seven through nine."

Remus looked up at the head boy, and nodded. He had always been very good at listening when he needed to, even when he was upset. He would forever be the lookout.

He got quickly to his feet and stalked out of the car and crossed into the next one. Car seven. He made his rounds quickly, hoping before he arrived at each compartment that it would have his friends in it. His rounds were largely uneventful - he had only managed to confiscate one bag of Filibuster's Fireworks and to tell off a couple unruly first years.

Even though he was used to being a prefect and to his responsibilities as such, he still couldn't help but feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing. He knew he was a hypocrite and that he would most likely be sneaking around the castle after dark within the week, probably to set off the fireworks he had just confiscated. Sirius and James were horrible about taking things he had confiscated and he had had to lie on incident reports several times when the evidence had... inexplicably gone missing.

When he had finally arrived at the last few compartments of car nine he had almost completely given up hope of seeing his friends before arriving at Hogwarts. He had snapped at a scrawny second year who had cast a simple levitation charm on his friend's glasses and was about to call it a day when he heard the familiar gale of raspy laughter that couldn't be anyone but Sirius. His first instinct was to rush forward but his steps faltered slightly.

Sirius had tried to... He had tried to do _something_. He knew it. He wasn't sure that Sirius knew it. If Remus hadn't totally lost control and thrown up all over the floor, he wasn't sure what would have transpired. From the way Sirius was behaving this morning, it was as if nothing had happened at all. And, technically, he supposed, nothing had. Remus knew Sirius and he _knew_ he would try to ignore that it had ever happened. It was easier that way. For both of them. But there was that small flutter of hope that had been planted within Remus that yearned desperately for Sirius to want him back. There were so many ways this situation could go wrong and the mere thought sent waves of panic through his body. The friendship he had with Sirius was quite possibly the only thing that made him happy and the thought of losing that terrified him. Remus felt, on some level, that he had taken advantage of Sirius' moment of emotional vulnerability.

"Moony, what are you doing standing around out there?" James swung the door to the compartment open, having caught sight of him a moment ago.

"Oh, um, patrolling." Remus said, the side of his mouth turning up in a very weak attempt at a smile.

"Come in! Put those prefect's feet up." James grinned, leaning out and grabbing Remus by the robes.

"I'm going to get in trouble..." Remus said, his eyebrows raised.

"I don't see you fighting back." James said, closing the door behind them.

"Hi, Remus." Peter smiled, waving cheerily.

"Hi, Peter. How was your trip?"

"It was - "

"Wet and he met a girl." Sirius finished for him. Sirius was staring out the window and hadn't looked up when Remus came in.

Peter frowned and shot Sirius a look. "What he said."

"Well, I'm glad. You'll have to tell me about her." Remus said, taking a seat next to Sirius. He sat against the opposite wall, not too close and not too far from Sirius.

"He will _not_." Sirius said quickly, turning to look at Peter and raising a finger menacingly. "I've heard about her twice already."

"You weren't even listening!" Peter protested. "Either time!"

"I've got super-human hearing." Sirius said in a monotone, before turning back to the window.

Remus and James exchanged glances. This was not the same Sirius he had sang Bohemian Rhapsody in the car with this morning. This was the volatile Sirius. The Sirius that was liable to explode at the slightest provocation. This was the Sirius he had almost completely forgotten existed after their two weeks of bliss.

Remus reached his hand out tentatively and rested it on Sirius' arm. "You do not have super-human hearing."

Sirius relaxed slightly under Remus' touch. "I do."

"Then what am I saying?" Peter asked childishly. He turned around and whispered something.

"You said, 'Sirius is a grumpy prat'." Sirius said.

"I did not! I said 'Remus has a big fat cat'." Peter lied.

"I can guarantee you that Remus does not have a cat." Sirius said, laughing slightly despite his mood.

"He is a _bit _of a pussy, though." James grinned mischievously, clearly very pleased with his expert use of American slang.

The compartment exploded in raucous laughter and, when Remus caught his eye, Sirius smiled a little more widely.

* * *

><p>"Remus! You were due back in the prefects' compartment an hour ago."<p>

Remus looked up as Lily Evans strode into the compartment, her hands on her hips. Remus immediately jumped to his feet and glanced up at the clock.

"Oh shit." Sirius muttered, stuffing the pack of cigarettes he had just produced back down the front of his robes. "Didn't we lock that door?"

"I saw those, Black." Lily snapped, her hands on her hips.

"Saw what?" Sirius asked innocently, looking around at his friends. James shrugged and Peter busied himself with the fraying edge of the sleeve of his robes; Peter was a a notoriously bad liar.

Lily rolled her eyes, "Anyways, Remus. Hopkins and I were supposed to go survey cars eleven and twelve but you didn't show up."

Remus felt awful. How could he have failed to have heard his orders?

"I'm so sorry, Lily." Remus said, hurriedly pinning his prefect's badge back on his chest. He had taken it off soon after joining his friends in the compartment; the badge was often a target for highly unfunny charms and hexes.

"Well, tell it to the headboy." Lily sighed, stepping aside so Remus could pass through the door first.

"I will. I'm sorry." Remus muttered, his face bright red.

He heard Sirius sigh loudly before he shut the door behind him.

"Lily, I am so - "

"It's okay, Remus." Lily laughed, catching Remus by the wrist before he could hurry off down to the end of the car. "I made it up. I knew Potter and Black would never let you leave otherwise."

Remus stopped dead in his tracks. Firstly because he was appalled that Lily would lie like that and secondly because what Lily had just done reminded him so strongly of James that he had to take pause.

"So I don't have duty...?" Remus asked slowly.

"No." Lily laughed. "I just wanted to get you alone for a second."

"Oh." Remus said stupidly, his mouth going dry.

"I just wanted to say that I really wished we could have done what your letter said the other day in Diagon Alley." Lily said with a smile.

Remus was truly amazed at how confident she was. He could never have gone up to another person and so openly stated his intentions. Despite being completely terrified by the fact that he had to turn the most beautiful girl in the school down, he was impressed.

"Well, Lily, I've been meaning to talk to you about that." Remus said, blushing, if it was possible, an even darker shade of red.

"Yes?" Lily asked, her head cocked slightly to the side.

Remus found himself praying for the millionth time that the powers that be could make him like every other man he had ever met – to make him able to like women. Lily was so beautiful and so intelligent and all he wanted was that moody, lazy mutt he had just left behind in the compartment. Loving and being with Lily would be simple (after, of course, he had been pounded into the dust by James). Loving Sirius, on the other hand, would be, and had been, a long and lengthy battle.

"Look, it wasn't actually me that sent the letter." Remus said, his voice shaking slightly. "It was Sirius who wrote it – as a joke - and then when I went to send the letter _I _wrote, I grabbed his by accident."

Lily's flame-coloured brows came together in confusion. "What are you saying?"

"What I'm saying is that I don't really think what Sirius wrote was appropriate. I would never talk the way he does." Remus said.

"I thought so." Lily said. "I also thought the handwriting was a little messier than I expected."

"Yeah, Sirius' handwriting is more of a scribble than actual script." Remus laughed a bit. He knew he still hadn't come to the punchline.

"Maybe we could do something a little more... tame?" Lily asked, a small smile playing at the corner of her lips. "I get that not all people want to gaze into my eyes."

"Well, it's not that I don't want to... er... gaze into your eyes..." Remus trailed off. He knew he sounded like an idiot. "It's just that, well..."

"What?" Lily asked.

"There's someone else." Remus finally forced out.

"Oh." Lily gave a small laugh. "Right."

Remus could see she was hurt. "I'm sorry, Lils, it's just that..."

"No, I understand. She's a lucky girl." Lily smiled politely, before turning to leave.

"Lily, wait..." Remus followed her for a few steps but when Lily raised her hand, he stopped.

"Don't worry about it, Lupin." Lily said, smiling. "I'll see you in the common room."

Today was not his day.

* * *

><p>When he walked back into the compartment, James and Peter were busy throwing food at each other and Sirius was still tucked into his corner with his forehead pressed up against the window. When James caught sight of Remus' face, he stopped fighting Peter and got a rather large piece of pumpkin pasty stuck to the side of his face as a reward.<p>

"Didn't have duty after all?" James asked, scraping the orange pastry off his face and kicking Peter hard in the leg.

"Apparently not." Remus said, stiffly, sitting down next to Sirius.

Sirius looked over at Remus. "Did Lily try to get you alone?"

James' eyebrows shot up.

"I turned her down. It was very embarrassing." Remus said tersely. He reached into his bag and pulled out _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_. "Make some room, Padfoot."

Sirius scrunched himself up further, but didn't put his feet back down onto the floor.

"Was she angry?" James asked.

"Yeah, you might want to go after her." Remus said, cracking the book open and burying his nose in it.

"Right." James said, getting to his feet and darting out the door, his chest all puffed up. It hadn't taken much convincing.

"Remus?" Peter asked tentatively. When he got no response he turned to Sirius.

"Sirius?" Peter asked again. No reply either. Peter groaned and turned on his side. "Wake me up when we get there."

* * *

><p>"Grrrrrrrrryfindor!"<p>

The Great Hall was decorated to the nines tonight. Large garlands of red and gold paper hung in heavy lengths over the Gryffindor table and every couple feet a large centrepiece of scarlet, ochre and burgundy summer flowers heralded Gryffindor house. The sorting had only just ended and the table had erupted into raucous applause and cheering as a very tiny first year was sorted into Gryffindor. Remus loved the sorting ceremony and he especially loved the feast.

After the cheering had finally died down to the last whoop from James and Sirius, Dumbledore got to his feet. His greying beard was even longer than last year and Remus laughed to see that he was now tucking it into the belt around his waist. Albus Dumbledore was an odd man, but he admired him. He gave a rousing speech in which he told a very funny anecdote about his travels in the Caribbean islands that involved a toucan, a warlock and a surfboard that ended with Sirius bent over in hysterics before inviting the students to tuck in.

Remus was amazed that the tables could support the weight of so much food. There was steak, yorkshire pudding, salmon, ham and even some kind of curry that Remus wasn't sure he was interested in trying. He sat next to Sirius who had taken his plate for him and had piled it so high Remus was certain he would never be able to get through it ("You're too skinny, Moony, this is the year you bulk up"). They hadn't seen James since he had disappeared after Lily on the train and when he looked up, he saw that James was sitting with her and several of her friends halfway down the table. James was engaging Lily in some kind of discussion that Remus suspected was extremely one-sided judging by the glances she kept giving her friends. It seemed that Sirius' foul mood had infected Peter, too, as he was sitting with his elbow on the table intently ignoring them.

"I think I'm going to bed," Sirius said after dessert had appeared, leaning forward on his elbow and dipping his finger into Remus' vanilla pudding.

"It's not like you to skip dessert, Sirius, and, stop that!" Remus exclaimed, swatting Sirius' hand away from his food.

"What? You're not going to eat it, anyways." Sirius said, one thick black brow raised. "I know you, Remus Lupin."

He wasn't sure what it was exactly about the way Sirius had said it, but Remus could feel a deep red blush spreading out from his cheeks.

"I might." Remus shrugged, rubbing his face vigorously in an attempt to make it look like the redness was from rubbing his face.

"You won't. You've already had," Sirius dipped his finger again into the pudding, "Three whole bites. You might even be done eating for the whole month."

Remus laughed loudly. "Stop eating my food!"

"Make me!" Sirius grinned, dipping his finger into the pudding and bringing it up to his mouth.

Remus caught his hand and, before he knew what he was doing, licked the pudding off in one long lick.

"You two are disgusting!" Peter exclaimed, knocking Sirius' arm away from Remus.

Sirius and Remus both shared a moment of complete shock at what Remus had done before bursting out into laughter. It was nice to see Sirius laugh, but just as quickly as it had started, it was gone.

"See you lot in the tower." Sirius said finally, getting to his feet. "I'm off to do some reading."

Remus felt a clap on his shoulder and Sirius was gone.

"Prefects!" a booming voice called from somewhere over his shoulder.

Remus recognized his cue and got to his feet, shaking out his robes. He knew it was his duty to take the first years up to the tower, but the last thing on his mind right now was looking after a gaggle of fresh-faced, screaming children.

* * *

><p>By the time Remus had finally made it up to the dormitory, his feet were completely numb. The common room was swarming with brand new first years and he had no interest in watching James and Sirius haze them. As he left the common room, James had picked up a very small boy by the robes and forcibly removed him from his armchair by the fire. There was a pecking order in Gryffindor Tower and James always made sure all newcomers knew it.<p>

When Remus pushed the door open, Sirius was standing with his back facing the door, leaning out the window.

"What are you doing up here?" Remus asked, loosening his tie. "Didn't think you would ever pass up the opportunity to kick around the first years."

Sirius looked over his shoulder, a cigarette between his lips. "James has it covered."

Remus pulled his shoes off and placed them neatly at the end of the same four-poster bed he had slept in since first year. He then opened up his trunk, produced a small metal tin from a pair of folded socks and walked over to the window. He flipped open the tin, pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips.

"_Incendio." _Sirius said pointing his wand lazily at Remus' cigarette.

"Thanks." Remus said, taking a long pull and then exhaling sharply.

"Needed that, did you?" Sirius asked, staring off at a point somewhere over the Forbidden Forest.

"Quite." Remus replied, closing his eyes. "A prefect's work is never done."

Sirius snorted.

"It's true." Remus said, tapping his cigarette lightly against the brick. "Do you know how many people screamed when the Bloody Baron came tearing through the hall? I'm just lucky I didn't have to deal with Peeves."

"Peeves isn't so bad." Sirius said, "If you know how to butter him up."

A silence fell between them for a moment as they both stared out over their familiar stomping grounds. It was good to be back.

"I'm sorry your parents were at the train station this morning." Remus said quietly, turning to look at Sirius.

Sirius' eyebrows came together ever so slightly, but barely enough to betray emotion. It broke Remus' heart to see him so deeply unhappy after the incredible time they had just spent together. It felt like aeons ago now that they had spent that rainy afternoon together in the record shop.

"It's alright, Remus. I should have known they would be there." Sirius said, hunching his shoulders so that his wavy, unkempt hair fell into his face.

Remus reached out tentatively and moved the hair back over Sirius' shoulder where it hung down his back. "It's not something you would think of after being away from them for so long."

Sirius didn't move a muscle as Remus touched his hair, "I should have known. It was stupid of me."

"At least they didn't say anything to you." Remus said lamely. Remus knew that it was better for Sirius to ride his moods out but something in him stopped him from leaving him alone.

"They didn't have to." Sirius said, tapping his cigarette a little too hard against the windowsill and snapping it in half. "Fuck."

"Here." Remus said quickly, offering him his own cigarette.

Sirius took it with a small, forced smile in thanks.

"You know, I really was feeling better. About everything." Sirius said, taking a deep pull, "And, of course, I just _had _to see my dad."

Remus didn't reply.

"Do you know how fucking hard it is to be the person who can never do anything right?" Sirius continued, "I've been trying to do the right thing all my life and look at where it's got me."

Remus nodded and reached up to smooth down a piece of Sirius' hair that was lying oddly against his head, "It got you here."

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, looking up.

"Fixing your - "

Sirius moved so quickly, Remus felt Sirius' teeth before his lips. In an instant, Sirius had Remus pressed up against the cold of the stone wall, hands in his hair, lips on skin. Sirius moved quickly, devouring every part of Remus he could reach with his lips, his tongue, his teeth. The scratch of Sirius' stubble against his neck was so sinfully sweet it was all he could do to keep control over his senses. It was only when Sirius made to move his hands up and under Remus' shirt that he pulled away.

"Sirius, what are _you_ doing?" Remus asked breathlessly, dragging the back of his hand against his mouth.

"Kissing you." Sirius said simply, slipping the tie away from Remus' neck.

"Sirius, I think you're going to regret this." Remus said, closing his eyes as Sirius dragged his teeth along his throat.

"I need you." Sirius said, tracing his hands along Remus' hips and pulling him hard up against him. "You want me, Remus. I know. I've been watching you since I got to James' and I know you want this. I've seen the way you look at me."

Remus tilted his head back against the wall and bit his lip as Sirius' kissed his neck.

"Not like this." Remus shook his head. His body betrayed him, however, as he felt blood start to rush south. "I wanted it to be... Oh, God... Sirius, you don't want this."

"Stop telling me how I feel, Remus, and let me fuck you." Sirius said, sliding his hands up Remus' shirt. "Please. I need you."

Remus closed his eyes,. "Sirius, you are going to regret this tomorrow..."

"Please." Sirius groaned, dragging his fingernails up Remus' chest. Sirius pulled Remus' shirt off and dropped it to the floor, kissing his way down Remus' neck and down his chest.

When Remus felt Sirius' breath hot against his stomach, though, Remus finally found the strength to pull away. He had imagined this moment so many times and, in his mind, it had always been under vastly different circumstances. Remus knew Sirius was only acting like this because he felt insecure and vulnerable. While Remus knew all Sirius wanted was to feel loved, Remus had imagined his first kiss with Sirius going considerably differently.

"Sirius, stop." Remus said, pushing Sirius away and leaning down to grab his shirt.

Sirius looked away.

Remus shrugged his shirt back on and took Sirius' face in his hands. "I want you, Sirius, but this is not how I wanted this to happen. I don't think it's how you wanted it either, if you even do at all."

Sirius looked down at the floor. "I _do_ want you."

Remus leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Sirius' lips, "We can make this work, Sirius,_ if_ you want it. I know you're in a tough place right now but I'll be here for you however you need me. I will not, however, be used by you when you need physical reassurance that you're of value and then have you regret it tomorrow. I know that's hard to hear but it's only because you deserve all the love in the world. You need to know that you are so loved and so wanted but if we do this right now, Sirius, our entire friendship will fall apart. You know that as well as I do."

"Remus..." Sirius said quietly, moving back in towards Remus' lips.

"No, let me finish." Remus said, holding Sirius' face in between his hands. "This will _not_ happen this way, Sirius. I need you to realize that if you really want me, you can have me, but not like this."

Sirius nodded, and then leaned his forehead against Remus'.

They were quiet for quite a long time until Sirius looked up again, this time with a small smile, "You _have_ wanted me for a very long time, haven't you?"

"Yes." Remus admitted.

"I noticed." Sirius said.

"I figured." Remus sighed.

"Oh, and Moony, remember that thing about you being melodramatic?" Sirius asked, the smile growing.

"Yeah?" Remus said.

"Yeah, well you need to tone it down a notch, Moonbeam, because I'm about to nominate you for an Academy Award." Sirius grinned, leaning back against the window sill and grabbing Remus by the waist, pulling him against him. "You really do get all revved up when someone shows any interest in wanting you back."

"Why do you have to ruin every serious, heartfelt moment," Remus said, trying to remain serious but failing miserably as Sirius nuzzled his neck.

"Let's go to sleep." Remus said with a smile.

"Can I sleep in your bed?" Sirius asked, still rubbing his face into the crook of Remus' neck.

"Maybe." Remus said, getting to his feet and pulling Sirius up behind him.

Maybe things weren't _all _bad.


End file.
